The Misadventures of the Akatsuki:Redux
by Kyuubi16
Summary: Akatsuki: A group of perverted, psychotic, weed smoking, and drinking individuals. Between telling your Mama Jokes, killing people, being arrested, and dying every other week they always manege to end up on an insane misadventure.
1. The Akatsuki: Rewritten

The Misadventure's of the Akatsuki

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NarutoxKonanxHarem. ItachixOc Uchiha (Presumably the unnamed Girlfriend from the Manga.)

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Misadventures- A fanfiction portraying the Akatsuki in a humorous and crack fic like manner. The Akatsuki are the following.

Deidara- The Bishounen foul mouth, art obsessed member. Like all the members he has a strong like for Alcohol and recently weed. (See chapter 1.) Often made fun of the other characters by his style of speech and looks he's known to often be involved in complicated schemes, usually the guy who blows shit up.

Sasori- One of the quieter and less insane members of the troupe. Been known to have a thing for blondes. From time to time he breaks his silence by either offering words of wisdom or making a completely random Suggestion.

Zetsu-The quietest and most mysterious of the Akatsuki. Goes along with anyone and is neutral. From time to time tries to eat the other members or there pets. (Stay tune for future chapters.)

Hidan-The foul mouthed immortal of the group. Known to be very religious and violent. Loves crack and is a Kleptomaniac. Known to cause children to cry and cause adults to commit suicide.

Kakuzu- The greediest member of Akatsuki. Normally serves as a counter balance to more of the insane behavior of the members. The Ironic thing about this guy is that his immortality is based off having a maximum of five hearts, yet most of his deaths are heart attack related.

Itachi-The Closet Pervert of the Akatsuki. Has been known to kill anyone who messes with his stash. Also tends to Tsukiyomi people a lot, specifically Kisame. Also one of the more insane members, though his bouts are more concentrated and deadly then spread out like the others.

Kisame- An Open pervert and cannibal. Kisame loves committing mass murder and weed. If there is anything involving drugs then he's most likely involved.

Tobi-The most cheerful and naive of the Akatsuki. Often the Catalyst for Mayhem and other plots that often result in one or more of the members being killed. The running joke is that Tobi is immortal as he usually miraculously survives or disappears.

Konan- The most intelligent of the Akatsuki members and by far sane. Though she has her quirks being a bit of a Nympho and Cosplayer. The Voice of Reason of the group not to mention the one who usually solves the problems. Also know to have a one of a kind jewel that lets her possess the body of others and allows them to feel what she feels.

Pein/Nagato- The leader of the group who is a lightweight when it comes to any type of abuse able substance. Often either Unconscious or somewhere else when things happen. When he is there he is usually panicking like the others. The only person who can keep control of him is Konan

Naruto-Temporary? Soon to be new guy and former target of the Akatsuki. Known as quite the playboy and worshiped by Kisame and Itachi. Is in need of a seal to suppress Kyuubi whose interfering with Naruto's ability to have some fun.

The Akatsuki-Despite their differences they have many things in common. One is they are often dying in embarrassing or unbelievable ways, only to be brought back to life later like nothing happened.

Also they all from time to time abuse substances like Alcohol or Beer. Above all else they have a treasured item that they would kill anyone over.

They also have a game call 'Clowin' when they start doing Yo Mama Jokes for extreme hilarity.

All and all…it's these traits and more that contribute to there Misadventures.

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Konoha 12

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Hinata-The Shy one of the Bunch and the most endowed of the girls. Has a secret Inner Pervert and desired to be 'tamed' by her love Naruto. Hinata is known to rarely get angry or drunk and when she does watch out. Has an alter-ego known as Evil Hinata who comes in great times of stress, anger, or drunkenness. She usually magically appears in an all black leather outfit and paddle that can send people flying several kilometers. She's also known to be invincible and immune to everything from poison to logic with her only weaknesses being Naruto and Holy Water. As a result Hinata is the only shinobi in history to get a special circumstantial SSS-rank label while being loyal to her village.

Sakura-One of the crazier members also has a secret and perverted side. Has a desire to dominate a strong willed and feral Naruto in bed. The type girl that can whoop your ass with a punch and turn around and heal you. Rumors has it that she has a cat girl outfit and a Death Note.

Sasuke-The slightly psychotic one of the K12. He's calm down from his overwhelmingly life of darkness and hatred, but can't seem to function without having vengeance. As a result he's on a never ending quest of vengeance for anyone who tries to kill him to simply kicking his puppy Bosco 2. Bosco 2 is named after Bosco, Sasuke's original dog when he was young and the real reason why Sasuke swore vengeance upon Itachi.

Kiba-One of the more perverted members and along with Shino have been known to smoke and sale weed. He's the louder and more boisterous of the duo with his partner Akamaru who has a keen nose for weed as well. Kiba is also one of the few people who knows the identity of the infamous Panty Bandit.

Shino-One of the more intelligent and stoic members of the K12 who also peddles out weed along with Kiba. Also despite how much people try to coax emotion out of him he always talks in monotone. Also rumor has it, or mostly because Kiba states it that he might be the infamous Panty Bandit who is never dare when the Panty Bandit is in public sight.

Ino-The sexy and talkative blond is the heiress of the Yamanka clan. If anyone is to know about the latest gossip its her.

Chouji-The Large kid of the bunch and one of the physically strongest. Chouji is quite kind and intelligent, even a decent cook. Watch out because if you call him fat he literally squashes you.

Shikamaru-The most intelligent of the K12 and one of the true geniuses of Konoha Shikamaru is known for thinking ten steps ahead of his opponents. He's also quite lazy so why the hell is that attractive brunette from wine country dating him?

Tenten-The weapon happy weapons master of Konoha. Tenten is the first Konoha shinobi of history banned from handling explosives even at the price of failing a mission. So she blew up twenty houses, six factories, three museums, two restaurants, and a golf course. It was an accident. She also has deadly pinpoint accuracy and can pull weapons out of the mythical hammer space.

Neji-Another Stoic member of the K12 and secret pervert. Neji has a fetish for long haired black haired girls. He's also known to go into a murderous rage against anyone who damages his hair.

Lee- The must exuberant member and most energetic excluding Naruto. The heir to the philosophy of Youth and the most extreme. Their is few people who can defeat a drunk Rock Lee in battle.

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Story Start

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''Kagebunshin no Jutus is more then one word god damnit!'' Hidan roared. It was another typical day in Akatsuki head quarters. All but one of the Bijuu had been captured. So they were waiting for the leader's orders, wherever the hell the orders were. ''Konan! What does the rules say?''

The Blue haired Goddess simply turned a page in her book. She was sitting at the table with the two more immortals while the others were at the couch. Tobi, Deidara, Kisame, and Itachi were playing Halo on X-box while Zetsu and Sasori watched.

''Konan!'' She continued to ignore Hidan's shouts. She told him not to get into a high risks game with Kakuzu's greedy ass but did he listen…no.

''Tobi! Tobi you're fucking up! No don't throw the grenade at me!'' Deidara screamed as Tobi blew up his character. ''God damnit Tobi you no aim having son of a bitch!''

''I sorry Deidara-Sempai…Tobi was trying to be a good boy and take out Itachi-sempai like you instructed but I missed.''

''Deidara it is obvious that my abilities far outclass you in every way in Halo. I suggest you give up.''

''Fuck you Itachi! You family killing son of a bitch!'' Deidara roared as he threw his controller.

''Changing the subject Deidara?''

''You know what the hell with you…You mama's boy.'' Deidara shot back as Itachi narrowed his eyes.

''What did you say?''

''You heard me…Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!''

''Daaaaaaaamn! Itachi are you going to take that?''

Itachi turns to Kisame with the Mangekyo Sharingan activated and hits him with a Tsukiyomi. After Kisame screams and falls over Itachi comes back with. '' Yo mama so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

''Oh yeah…Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.''

'' Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it..''

'' Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!''

''Oooh! Oooh! Tobi has one…Yo mama so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.'' Everyone started cracking up at that one.

''Goddamnit! I ordered a meeting two days ago. Where were you all?'' Asked a not so happy Pein from a doorway.

''Technically you never ordered a meeting. You just told them to come back to base,'' Konan answered turning the page of her book.

''Now that everyone Is here Tobi has a surprise,'' Runs off to Kitchen and returns with several trays of brownies.

''Ooooh brownies!'' Deidara completely forgot about the argument.

''BROWNIES!" Kisame shot up, as if he wasn't tortured for three days. Everyone began to ate the brownies, unaware of the tag on the side that highlighted the word 'special' on it.

''Now that we are all here…we are going to capture the last Jinchuuriki. Man my hands are big,'' Pein said holding up his hands. Konan clears her throat. ''Oh right…the objective we must overcome is Jose Cosenco. The world's greatest body guard and assassin. ''

''I thought his name was Kuiinshi Nzu, the guy who escaped from the highest grade insane asylum from the western continent for countless counts of man slaughter, attempted murder, and black mailing?'' Itachi asked. He then started feeling weird as he looked around. He then blinked as he notice something on top of Konan's head. ''The fuck…why is there a purple weasel on your head Konan?''

''W-What? Oh thank god…I thought I was the only one.'' She replied in relief.

'''Damnit focus! Now this is what…seriously I have some huge fucking….god damnit Zetsu stop trying to eat Sasori.''

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Outside head quarters

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''Told you it would work…Akatsuki and weed should never be mixed together,'' Kuiinshi said. He, Naruto, and the Assault team consisted of shinobi from the five nations waited for the opportune time to attack. They knew when a naked Hidan and Kakuzu came running outside they knew it was the opportune time to attack. ''My Eyes! THEY BURN!''

''Well that definitely fucked up any means of me having a nice dream that.''

Later that Evening

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''WAKE UP!'' Naruto shouted in Konan's ear as she shot up.

''What the hell! Where am I? Who are you? Why do I Feel funny?''

''Well you're in a holding cell in Konoha. My name is Naruto and as to why you feel funny those special brownies that Tobi gave you ring a bell.''

''Damnit! Should have never eaten anything by that idiot. Wait if I'm here…''

''There dead…well everyone except Hidan…we buried him and Tobi…he's a funny mother fucker so we let him go. ''

''Pein…lost?''

''Yeah…lost a lot of good people. I was able to beat him due to my Sage Training. Now I was able to convince Tsunade to let you live on the grounds of you being my slave.''

''I rather die!'' She hissed.

''Oh come on don't be like that…I'm not going to rape you if that's what you think. I just inherited a big ass mansion a few weeks ago and I need a maid.''

''Hhm…I do like to cosplay…only because that bastard Pein kept on black mailing me to wear all these outfits. I do look good in a maid's outfit. I guess being a slave wouldn't be too bad.''

''Well I'm sure we can work something out…anyway I have some of your clothing.''

''….''

''I found a lot of interesting things.''

''…''

''Thongs…Porn…a Dominatrix outfit?''

''x(…''

''Oh come on…were all human and we have needs.''

''I'll killing you the first chance I get…I will never forget the embarrassment nor forgive.''

''Will this change your mind?'' Naruto asked, whipping out his piece.

Konan's jaw drop and she began to drool at the sight before her. ''So beautiful…so…Big!''

''Yeah…the one thing you got to love about being a Jinchuuriki. Your well equipped…that and well. I need a steady source of sex…the down side…the result will me going crazy and well you get the idea.''

''So if I agree to this…will I have to share you or will that meaty cock be all mine?''

Naruto was quite taken back at the sudden change but it was welcome. ''Yours anytime.''

''Ok…I will resign myself to your slave.''

''Sweet!''

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Fic end

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I hope you guys like the remake of the first chapter.


	2. Enter Naruto:Rewritten

The Misadventure's of the Akatsuki

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NarutoxKonanxHarem. (Yugito, Sakura, Hinata, Temari, Shion, Sasame, Hana, Tsume, and Isaribi) The Main focus will be Konan though. I will do one-shot lemons though with the other girls of Naruto but they won't play a major focus in the pairing.

ItachixOc Uchiha (Presumably the unnamed Girlfriend from the Manga.)

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Misadventures- A fanfiction portraying the Akatsuki in a humorous and crack fic like manner. The Akatsuki are the following.

-

Deidara- The Bishounen foul mouth, art obsessed member. Like all the members he has a strong like for Alcohol and recently weed. (See chapter 1.) Often made fun of the other characters by his style of speech and looks he's known to often be involved in complicated schemes, usually the guy who blows shit up.

Sasori- One of the quieter and less insane members of the troupe. Been known to have a thing for blondes. From time to time he breaks his silence by either offering words of wisdom or making a completely random Suggestion.

Zetsu-The quietest and most mysterious of the Akatsuki. Goes along with anyone and is neutral. From time to time tries to eat the other members or there pets. (Stay tune for future chapters.)

Hidan-The foul mouthed immortal of the group. Known to be very religious and violent. Loves crack and is a Kleptomaniac. Known to cause children to cry and cause adults to commit suicide.

Kakuzu- The greediest member of Akatsuki. Normally serves as a counter balance to more of the insane behavior of the members. The Ironic thing about this guy is that his immortality is based off having a maximum of five hearts, yet most of his deaths are heart attack related.

Itachi-The Closet Pervert of the Akatsuki. Has been known to kill anyone who messes with his stash. Also tends to Tsukiyomi people a lot, specifically Kisame. Also one of the more insane members, though his bouts are more concentrated and deadly then spread out like the others.

Kisame- An Open pervert and cannibal. Kisame loves committing mass murder and weed. If there is anything involving drugs then he's most likely involved.

Tobi-The most cheerful and naive of the Akatsuki. Often the Catalyst for Mayhem and other plots that often result in one or more of the members being killed. The running joke is that Tobi is immortal as he usually miraculously survives or disappears.

Konan- The most intelligent of the Akatsuki members and by far sane. Though she has her quirks being a bit of a Nympho and Cosplayer. The Voice of Reason of the group not to mention the one who usually solves the problems. Also know to have a one of a kind jewel that lets her possess the body of others and allows them to feel what she feels.

Pein/Nagato- The leader of the group who is a lightweight when it comes to any type of abuse able substance. Often either Unconscious or somewhere else when things happen. When he is there he is usually panicking like the others. The only person who can keep control of him is Konan

Naruto-Temporary? Soon to be new guy and former target of the Akatsuki. Known as quite the playboy and worshiped by Kisame and Itachi. Is in need of a seal to suppress Kyuubi whose interfering with Naruto's ability to have some fun.

The Akatsuki-Despite their differences they have many things in common. One is they are often dying in embarrassing or unbelievable ways, only to be brought back to life later like nothing happened.

Also they all from time to time abuse substances like Alcohol or Beer. Above all else they have a treasured item that they would kill anyone over.

They also have a game call 'Clowin' when they start doing Yo Mama Jokes for extreme hilarity.

All and all…it's these traits and more that contribute to there Misadventures.

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Konoha 12

000

Hinata-The Shy one of the Bunch and the most endowed of the girls. Has a secret Inner Pervert and desired to be 'tamed' by her love Naruto. Hinata is known to rarely get angry or drunk and when she does watch out. Has an alter-ego known as Evil Hinata who comes in great times of stress, anger, or drunkenness. She usually magically appears in an all black leather outfit and paddle that can send people flying several kilometers. She's also known to be invincible and immune to everything from poison to logic with her only weaknesses being Naruto and Holy Water. As a result Hinata is the only shinobi in history to get a special circumstantial SSS-rank label while being loyal to her village.

Sakura-One of the crazier members also has a secret and perverted side. Has a desire to dominate a strong willed and feral Naruto in bed. The type girl that can whoop your ass with a punch and turn around and heal you. Rumors has it that she has a catgirl outfit and a Death Note.

Sasuke-The slightly psychotic one of the K12. He's calm down from his overwhelmingly life of darkness and hatred, but can't seem to function without having vengeance. As a result he's on a never ending quest of vengeance for anyone who tries to kill him to simply kicking his puppy Bosco 2. Bosco 2 is named after Bosco, Sasuke's original dog when he was young and the real reason why Sasuke swore vengeance upon Itachi.

Kiba-One of the more perverted members and along with Shino have been known to smoke and sale weed. He's the louder and more boisterous of the duo with his partner Akamaru who has a keen nose for weed as well. Kiba is also one of the few people who knows the identity of the infamous Panty Bandit.

Shino-One of the more intelligent and stoic members of the K12 who also peddles out weed along with Kiba. Also despite how much people try to coax emotion out of him he always talks in monotone. Also rumor has it, or mostly because Kiba states it that he might be the infamous Panty Bandit who is never dare when the Panty Bandit is in public sight.

Ino-The sexy and talkative blond is the heiress of the Yamanka clan. If anyone is to know about the latest gossip its her.

Chouji-The Large kid of the bunch and one of the physically strongest. Chouji is quite kind and intelligent, even a decent cook. Watch out because if you call him fat he literally squashes you.

Shikamaru-The most intelligent of the K12 and one of the true geniuses of Konoha Shikamaru is known for thinking ten steps ahead of his opponents. He's also quite lazy so why the hell is that attractive brunette from wine country dating him?

Tenten-The weapon happy weapons master of Konoha. Tenten is the first Konoha shinobi of history banned from handling explosives even at the price of failing a mission. So she blew up twenty houses, six factories, three museums, two restaurants, and a golf course. It was an accident. She also has deadly pinpoint accuracy and can pull weapons out of the mythical hammer space.

Neji-Another Stoic member of the K12 and secret pervert. Neji has a fetish for long haired black haired girls. He's also known to go into a murderous rage against anyone who damages his hair.

Lee- The must exuberant member and most energetic excluding Naruto. The heir to the philosophy of Youth and the most extreme. Their is few people who can defeat a drunk Rock Lee in battle.

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Story Start

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It was a hell of weekend last weekend. The Akatsuki members were all killed, but they came back to life so that didn't matter as that happened every once and awhile. Though now most of them were paranoid out of there minds as their deaths weren't usually back to back like that.

Iwa wanted to kill Akatsuki because Hidan and Kakuzu raids in there land halted all transfers of Alcoholic beverages. Deidara had blew up a shipment worth of porn, the most valued being Icha Icha which got him an ass kicking by closet fan Itachi and most of the other members.

Kumo because they lost two of their strongest shinobi and Konoha for the obvious. There were some minor villages in the attack that wanted retribution for all the destruction and mayhem that collecting bounties to build of Akatsuki's money reservoir caused…But why the hell did Mist join in?

''Hey everyone! Tobi is a good boy!'' He shouted running in with a bowl of pudding. ''Pudding!''

''Get'em!'' The shout surprisingly enough came from Itachi. Tobi was bum rushed and promptly beaten, while his evil pudding was destroyed. To celebrate drinks were being passed all around.

''Now…I have some bizness to'' Hic-cup '' to mention or something.'' The Great leader of Akatsuki…was a light weight. ''Our Newest member…Narusoto…or ever the fuck his name is.''

''Wow…just wow thank you.'' Naruto dead panned.

''Leader…I'm not the brightest guy…''

'Your definitely not,'' Deidara interrupted Kisame.

''As I was saying before He-she interrupted me.''

''Fuck you Shark Boy…At least my Bishonen looks can at least get me some pussy…all you can probably get is some donkey pussy.''

Snickers ''Donkey Pussy?'' – Naruto.

''You want to take this outside?'' Kisame roared standing up.

''Oh you don't want none of this.''

''Dude…you have fucking mouths in your hands!'' Naruto pointed out as most of them sweat dropped. ''If you were a chick…I bet you give the best hand jobs ever.''

''Holy shit! He's right…the potential,'' Secret Pervert Itachi said in awe.

''Itachi shut up! Have your perverted fantasies another time. Am I the only one here that's not confused as to why A. We haven't vacated to a new less conspicious base and B. why he's joining us when were trying to kill him?'' Asked Sasori in a raspy tone.

''We're not trying to kill him per say. Just rip the demon out of his gut which will kill him.''

''Thank you Captain Obvious. Go play with your blow jobbing hands or something.''

''Fuck you Sasori-Dono…This is bullshit. I didn't even want to be here in the first place. Itachi's punk ass forced me.''

''He probably thought you were a chick.''

''Shut up Kisame!''-Itachi & Deidara.

''Hey Konan-chan,'' Naruto turned to his slave/lover. ''Is it always this fucked up?''

''Oh trust me…this is one of the saner days.''

''You know…I try so hard…why the fuck yall all rude to each other all the time. Do my prinsepells mean…''Pein fell forward passed out, slamming his head on the table.

''This guy is leader again why?'' Kisame dead panned.

''Besides having the legendary Rin'nengan and able to blow up an entire village in a single Jutsu,'' Konan replied.

''Right.''

''Tob…'' Tobi fell back, knocked unconscious by Itachi's back hand.

''Damn! The Pimp Hand is strong with that one,'' Naruto cracked.

''Thing that's strong…you should see my Bitch Slap!''

''Why are you here anyway Naruto-san?''

''Well Kyuubi's being a cock blocking player hater! I tried to get it on with Konan here,'' Jaws Drop. ''But the ass hole sent demonic chakra to my junk and nearly burned the shit beyond repair. I mean after I bagged Tsunade, Hana, Mei Terumi, that one chick from Iwa, those two sexy as students of Kirabi's Samui and Karui, Tsume Inuzuka, Anko, a Milf by the name of Tsunami, the Raikage's niece, and that one green hair chick with the crossed eyes you would have figured I had nothing to worry about.''

Itachi and Kisame runs over and starts bowing. ''We are yours to command. What is thy will Kami-sama.''

''huh………?''

''Apparently sense you bagged some of the hottest women, after me of course in the elemental nations apparently they idolize you?''

''Is that Jealousy I'm detecting in your voice Konan-chan?''

''I don't know…is that you sleeping on the couch tonight I'm seeing Naruto-kun?''

''Oooooooh!''

''Damn she told you!''

''I felt that from all the way the fuck over here!''

''Hell my wallet felt that!''

''Burn!''

''You know what…fuck yall…I came here for help. Figure you ass-holes had a seal that damper Demonic chakra or something.''

''We'll give you the seal but on one condition.''

''What's that?''

''You must take us…to Disney Land.'' Sasori answered as Naruto face faulted. ''Kidding of course…I mean Magic Mountain.''

''Oh Kami…my head hurts just thinking about it. ''

''Hey everyone! Tobi is a good boy! Look what he found!'' Holds up Giant Bomb.

''Holy crap my baby!'' Deidara shriek.

''Oh hell he's going to kill us all!''

''Hit the deck!''

''I don't want to die!''

''Oh fuck this I'm out!''

''Tobi's a good,'' Accidentally presses button and sets off bomb. The explosion results in killing yet again most of the members. ''Boy!'' A synced Tobi said as he fell back. Konan, being the only sensible member fled the moment she heard Tobi's Voice. Pein didn't even feel anything for some reason that could not be explained. Naruto, would live thanks to Kyuubi's healing and Hidan was immortal. Kakuzu who was also immortal didn't die from the attack, Ironic as a situation could be he suffered a heart attack upon seeing the size of the bomb and Tobi holding it. Yet another day in the life of the Akatsuki.

000

I know I promised a Lemon but I thought about a mutli-chapter fic…with no definite end and mainly humor would be better. That and decided to expand a bit more on Konan's Cosplaying tendencies and her relationship with Naruto.

Feel free to suggest crazy ass ideas for me to use.


	3. The Trip To Magic Mountain:Rewritten

The Misadventure's of the Akatsuki

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NarutoxKonanxHarem. (Yugito, Sakura, Hinata, Temari, Shion, Sasame, Hana, Tsume, and Isaribi) The Main focus will be Konan though. I will do one-shot lemons though with the other girls of Naruto but they won't play a major focus in the pairing.

ItachixOc Uchiha (Presumably the unnamed Girlfriend from the Manga.)

0

Misadventures- A fanfiction portraying the Akatsuki in a humorous and crack fic like manner. The Akatsuki are the following.

-

Deidara- The Bishounen foul mouth, art obsessed member. Like all the members he has a strong like for Alcohol and recently weed. (See chapter 1.) Often made fun of the other characters by his style of speech and looks he's known to often be involved in complicated schemes, usually the guy who blows shit up.

Sasori- One of the quieter and less insane members of the troupe. Been known to have a thing for blondes. From time to time he breaks his silence by either offering words of wisdom or making a completely random Suggestion.

Zetsu-The quietest and most mysterious of the Akatsuki. Goes along with anyone and is neutral. From time to time tries to eat the other members or there pets. (Stay tune for future chapters.)

Hidan-The foul mouthed immortal of the group. Known to be very religious and violent. Loves crack and is a Kleptomaniac. Known to cause children to cry and cause adults to commit suicide.

Kakuzu- The greediest member of Akatsuki. Normally serves as a counter balance to more of the insane behavior of the members. The Ironic thing about this guy is that his immortality is based off having a maximum of five hearts, yet most of his deaths are heart attack related.

Itachi-The Closet Pervert of the Akatsuki. Has been known to kill anyone who messes with his stash. Also tends to Tsukiyomi people a lot, specifically Kisame. Also one of the more insane members, though his bouts are more concentrated and deadly then spread out like the others.

Kisame- An Open pervert and cannibal. Kisame loves committing mass murder and weed. If there is anything involving drugs then he's most likely involved.

Tobi-The most cheerful and naive of the Akatsuki. Often the Catalyst for Mayhem and other plots that often result in one or more of the members being killed. The running joke is that Tobi is immortal as he usually miraculously survives or disappears.

Konan- The most intelligent of the Akatsuki members and by far sane. Though she has her quirks being a bit of a Nympho and Cosplayer. The Voice of Reason of the group not to mention the one who usually solves the problems. Also know to have a one of a kind jewel that lets her possess the body of others and allows them to feel what she feels.

Pein/Nagato- The leader of the group who is a lightweight when it comes to any type of abuse able substance. Often either Unconscious or somewhere else when things happen. When he is there he is usually panicking like the others. The only person who can keep control of him is Konan

Naruto-Temporary? Soon to be new guy and former target of the Akatsuki. Known as quite the playboy and worshiped by Kisame and Itachi. Is in need of a seal to suppress Kyuubi whose interfering with Naruto's ability to have some fun.

The Akatsuki-Despite their differences they have many things in common. One is they are often dying in embarrassing or unbelievable ways, only to be brought back to life later like nothing happened.

Also they all from time to time abuse substances like Alcohol or Beer. Above all else they have a treasured item that they would kill anyone over.

They also have a game call 'Clowin' when they start doing Yo Mama Jokes for extreme hilarity.

All and all…it's these traits and more that contribute to there Misadventures.

000

Konoha 12

000

Hinata-The Shy one of the Bunch and the most endowed of the girls. Has a secret Inner Pervert and desired to be 'tamed' by her love Naruto. Hinata is known to rarely get angry or drunk and when she does watch out. Has an alter-ego known as Evil Hinata who comes in great times of stress, anger, or drunkenness. She usually magically appears in an all black leather outfit and paddle that can send people flying several kilometers. She's also known to be invincible and immune to everything from poison to logic with her only weaknesses being Naruto and Holy Water. As a result Hinata is the only shinobi in history to get a special circumstantial SSS-rank label while being loyal to her village.

Sakura-One of the crazier members also has a secret and perverted side. Has a desire to dominate a strong willed and feral Naruto in bed. The type girl that can whoop your ass with a punch and turn around and heal you. Rumors has it that she has a catgirl outfit and a Death Note.

Sasuke-The slightly psychotic one of the K12. He's calm down from his overwhelmingly life of darkness and hatred, but can't seem to function without having vengeance. As a result he's on a never ending quest of vengeance for anyone who tries to kill him to simply kicking his puppy Bosco 2. Bosco 2 is named after Bosco, Sasuke's original dog when he was young and the real reason why Sasuke swore vengeance upon Itachi.

Kiba-One of the more perverted members and along with Shino have been known to smoke and sale weed. He's the louder and more boisterous of the duo with his partner Akamaru who has a keen nose for weed as well. Kiba is also one of the few people who knows the identity of the infamous Panty Bandit.

Shino-One of the more intelligent and stoic members of the K12 who also peddles out weed along with Kiba. Also despite how much people try to coax emotion out of him he always talks in monotone. Also rumor has it, or mostly because Kiba states it that he might be the infamous Panty Bandit who is never dare when the Panty Bandit is in public sight.

Ino-The sexy and talkative blond is the heiress of the Yamanka clan. If anyone is to know about the latest gossip its her.

Chouji-The Large kid of the bunch and one of the physically strongest. Chouji is quite kind and intelligent, even a decent cook. Watch out because if you call him fat he literally squashes you.

Shikamaru-The most intelligent of the K12 and one of the true geniuses of Konoha Shikamaru is known for thinking ten steps ahead of his opponents. He's also quite lazy so why the hell is that attractive brunette from wine country dating him?

Tenten-The weapon happy weapons master of Konoha. Tenten is the first Konoha shinobi of history banned from handling explosives even at the price of failing a mission. So she blew up twenty houses, six factories, three museums, two restaurants, and a golf course. It was an accident. She also has deadly pinpoint accuracy and can pull weapons out of the mythical hammer space.

Neji-Another Stoic member of the K12 and secret pervert. Neji has a fetish for long haired black haired girls. He's also known to go into a murderous rage against anyone who damages his hair.

Lee- The must exuberant member and most energetic excluding Naruto. The heir to the philosophy of Youth and the most extreme. Their is few people who can defeat a drunk Rock Lee in battle.

0

Story Start-The third of my twenty chapters to be rewritten. Be warned I may throw in original chapters or combine them in the future.

0

A kagebunshin of Itachi was currently driving the van to Magic Mountain. Whether it was a good idea or not considering that Itachi was partly blind never crossed anyone's minds. Until from time to time he drove on the curve running over puppies and old ladies.

''It was a good thing Pein had a big ass Van in the parking garage,'' Kisame said as the group was almost to magic mountain. Pein the lightweight was still passed out. Once they got on the Highway and got off the next exit they would be there. Considering the fucked up lives the Akatsuki members had they never got to enjoy their childhood and what better time then the present.

''Tobi has an idea!'' He exclaimed with childish glee.

''Does it involve Tanks?'' Deidara dead panned as for the life of him he didn't understand Tobi's obsession with Tanks.

''Ok…Tobi has another idea…let's play Clowin'.''

''What the hell is clowning?'' Naruto asked his girlfriend/sex slave Konan.

''Basically throwing your Mama Insults back in forth.'' She replied as she turned her page in her 'Kama-Sutra: Now That's Just Too Much! You so Nasty!' Book and marked the current page with a sticky note.

''Ok Tobi picks out first pair! Kisame-Sempai and Kakuzu-Sempai are first!''

''You sure you up for this Kakuzu? Don't want to give you a heart attack.''

''Fuck you fish face! You're going down…and when you're in despair I'll rip out your heart and eat.''

''Hey man what the fuck!''

''Tobi says…beeeeeeeeegiiiiiiin.''

Kisame starts first.

'' Yo mama so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."

'' Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.''

'' Yo mama so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!''

'' Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.''

''Oh yeah well…Yo mama so bald you can see what's on her mind.''

''Best you got Bitch? Yo mama so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.''

''TOBI! Now says we pick a winner.''

''Kisame.''

''Kakuzu!'' Konan answered only because she felt that bus joke was an ok one.

''Kisame.''

''Same.''

''Here too.''

''Kisame.''

''Kisame.''

''Kisame!

''Well Tobi knows a winner when he sees one…Kisame is the winner.''

''Oh fuck all of you,'' Kakuzu grumbled.

''Why don't you go next Tobi?'' Konan suggested.

''Oooh! Oooh! Tobi likes that…want to play Deidara-Sempai?''

''Sure squirt…you go first.'' Confident he would school Tobi.

''Ok…Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.''

''Damn!''

''That's right!''

''Get'em Tobi!''

''Oh yeah well un, Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

''Boo!''

''Get out of the Van!''

''You suck!"'

'' Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.'' Damn such maliciousness from Tobi.

'' Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" And her father said "Yeah, let's go bury it."

''Uh-oh.''

''He's coming back.''

''On on Tobi you can still beat'em.''

'' Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

'' Yo mama teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!''

'' Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!'' Everyone was cracking up a few people were chatting Tobi's name. He went again, ''So Mama so fat even the Tank was like 'I ain't going near that big bitch! She might eat me!'' Everyone was dying after that one. Even Pein was laughing his ass of as he awoken halfway through the contest.

Deidara's cheek burned in embarrassment. ''Oh yeah well…Well Yo Mama is so fat she's like a cow, but instead of four stomachs she has four hearts. All gave out one after another by the strain of your fat ass mom.''

It suddenly got quiet…Even Pein was in shock.

Sniffle. Tobi's eyes started to water. ''WAAAAAAAH HAAAAAAH!'' He started wailing like a child.

''Deidara you insensitive son of a bitch!'' Konan yelled at him.

''What I do?'' He asked in confusion.

''Do not cool. Did you forget today is the anniversary of Tobi's mom death. She died from being over weight you ass-hole,'' Kisame responded.

''I can't believe you would forget that Deidara…I'm ashamed,'' Naruto said shaking his head.

''What the hell are you going on about? You just joined us yesterday.''

''Deidara! You owe Tobi an apology now!'' Konan ordered.

Zetsu just sat back as he watched the havoc unfold. Just three more hours until they reached Magic Mountain. Then he could get away from this insanity.


	4. Magic Mountain Chaos:Rewritten

The Misadventure's of the Akatsuki

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NarutoxKonanxHarem. (Yugito, Sakura, Hinata, Temari, Shion, Sasame, Hana, Tsume, and Isaribi) The Main focus will be Konan though. I will do one-shot lemons though with the other girls of Naruto but they won't play a major focus in the pairing.

ItachixOc Uchiha (Presumably the unnamed Girlfriend from the Manga.)

0

Misadventures- A fanfiction portraying the Akatsuki in a humorous and crack fic like manner. The Akatsuki are the following.

-

Deidara- The Bishounen foul mouth, art obsessed member. Like all the members he has a strong like for Alcohol and recently weed. (See chapter 1.) Often made fun of the other characters by his style of speech and looks he's known to often be involved in complicated schemes, usually the guy who blows shit up.

Sasori- One of the quieter and less insane members of the troupe. Been known to have a thing for blondes. From time to time he breaks his silence by either offering words of wisdom or making a completely random Suggestion.

Zetsu-The quietest and most mysterious of the Akatsuki. Goes along with anyone and is neutral. From time to time tries to eat the other members or there pets. (Stay tune for future chapters.)

Hidan-The foul mouthed immortal of the group. Known to be very religious and violent. Loves crack and is a Kleptomaniac. Known to cause children to cry and cause adults to commit suicide.

Kakuzu- The greediest member of Akatsuki. Normally serves as a counter balance to more of the insane behavior of the members. The Ironic thing about this guy is that his immortality is based off having a maximum of five hearts, yet most of his deaths are heart attack related.

Itachi-The Closet Pervert of the Akatsuki. Has been known to kill anyone who messes with his stash. Also tends to Tsukiyomi people a lot, specifically Kisame. Also one of the more insane members, though his bouts are more concentrated and deadly then spread out like the others.

Kisame- An Open pervert and cannibal. Kisame loves committing mass murder and weed. If there is anything involving drugs then he's most likely involved.

Tobi-The most cheerful and naive of the Akatsuki. Often the Catalyst for Mayhem and other plots that often result in one or more of the members being killed. The running joke is that Tobi is immortal as he usually miraculously survives or disappears.

Konan- The most intelligent of the Akatsuki members and by far sane. Though she has her quirks being a bit of a Nympho and Cosplayer. The Voice of Reason of the group not to mention the one who usually solves the problems. Also know to have a one of a kind jewel that lets her possess the body of others and allows them to feel what she feels.

Pein/Nagato- The leader of the group who is a lightweight when it comes to any type of abuse able substance. Often either Unconscious or somewhere else when things happen. When he is there he is usually panicking like the others. The only person who can keep control of him is Konan

Naruto-Temporary? Soon to be new guy and former target of the Akatsuki. Known as quite the playboy and worshiped by Kisame and Itachi. Is in need of a seal to suppress Kyuubi whose interfering with Naruto's ability to have some fun.

The Akatsuki-Despite their differences they have many things in common. One is they are often dying in embarrassing or unbelievable ways, only to be brought back to life later like nothing happened.

Also they all from time to time abuse substances like Alcohol or Beer. Above all else they have a treasured item that they would kill anyone over.

They also have a game call 'Clowin' when they start doing Yo Mama Jokes for extreme hilarity.

All and all…it's these traits and more that contribute to there Misadventures.

000

Konoha 12

000

Hinata-The Shy one of the Bunch and the most endowed of the girls. Has a secret Inner Pervert and desired to be 'tamed' by her love Naruto. Hinata is known to rarely get angry or drunk and when she does watch out. Has an alter-ego known as Evil Hinata who comes in great times of stress, anger, or drunkenness. She usually magically appears in an all black leather outfit and paddle that can send people flying several kilometers. She's also known to be invincible and immune to everything from poison to logic with her only weaknesses being Naruto and Holy Water. As a result Hinata is the only shinobi in history to get a special circumstantial SSS-rank label while being loyal to her village.

Sakura-One of the crazier members also has a secret and perverted side. Has a desire to dominate a strong willed and feral Naruto in bed. The type girl that can whoop your ass with a punch and turn around and heal you. Rumors has it that she has a catgirl outfit and a Death Note.

Sasuke-The slightly psychotic one of the K12. He's calm down from his overwhelmingly life of darkness and hatred, but can't seem to function without having vengeance. As a result he's on a never ending quest of vengeance for anyone who tries to kill him to simply kicking his puppy Bosco 2. Bosco 2 is named after Bosco, Sasuke's original dog when he was young and the real reason why Sasuke swore vengeance upon Itachi.

Kiba-One of the more perverted members and along with Shino have been known to smoke and sale weed. He's the louder and more boisterous of the duo with his partner Akamaru who has a keen nose for weed as well. Kiba is also one of the few people who knows the identity of the infamous Panty Bandit.

Shino-One of the more intelligent and stoic members of the K12 who also peddles out weed along with Kiba. Also despite how much people try to coax emotion out of him he always talks in monotone. Also rumor has it, or mostly because Kiba states it that he might be the infamous Panty Bandit who is never dare when the Panty Bandit is in public sight.

Ino-The sexy and talkative blond is the heiress of the Yamanka clan. If anyone is to know about the latest gossip its her.

Chouji-The Large kid of the bunch and one of the physically strongest. Chouji is quite kind and intelligent, even a decent cook. Watch out because if you call him fat he literally squashes you.

Shikamaru-The most intelligent of the K12 and one of the true geniuses of Konoha Shikamaru is known for thinking ten steps ahead of his opponents. He's also quite lazy so why the hell is that attractive brunette from wine country dating him?

Tenten-The weapon happy weapons master of Konoha. Tenten is the first Konoha shinobi of history banned from handling explosives even at the price of failing a mission. So she blew up twenty houses, six factories, three museums, two restaurants, and a golf course. It was an accident. She also has deadly pinpoint accuracy and can pull weapons out of the mythical hammer space.

Neji-Another Stoic member of the K12 and secret pervert. Neji has a fetish for long haired black haired girls. He's also known to go into a murderous rage against anyone who damages his hair.

Lee- The must exuberant member and most energetic excluding Naruto. The heir to the philosophy of Youth and the most extreme. Their is few people who can defeat a drunk Rock Lee in battle.

0

Story Start

0

They all got out of the car and gathered at the entrance as Naruto decided to lay some ground rules.

''Ok here are the ground rules. No killing anyone, no stealing anything, no causing destruction to property. Just eat and ride the rides. I brought only a few million Ryo with me and the last thing I need is you guys causing mass havoc. You ass-holes better have a cure after this is over.''

''Calm your head boy. **Or will bite that muther fucker off. ''**

''The Bi-polar freak is right Naruto-kun. We are adults not children!'' Konan stated.

''Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"' Tobi runs towards the park, knocking over several people and making small children cry.

''Tobi doesn't count. ''

''Why is he in Akatsuki again?''

''You know what…that is a good question.''

''Mommy! Mommy! Look at this guy! He's funny looking!'' Points out Zetsu.

''Billy get away from him! You have no idea where he's been.''

''But moooooooooom!''

''Ok…**Fuck this!''** Zetsu's fly trap like attachments open wide. He jerks forward and snatches up kid with them and proceeds to eat him.'

''BIILLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYY!''

''Oh you have got to be fuckin…''

0

30 days later

0

''Has the Jury reached a verdict?''

''We have your honor. On the sole count of Murder! We find the defendant Zetsu guilty and sentence him to death by lethal injection.''

''Huh…at least that's one less person I have to buy tickers for,'' Naruto said.

At a long month of legal battles, mostly Naruto paying for the cheapest lawyer he could find the Akatsuki returned to Magic Mountain.

''Hey Mister! Want to get a tattoo?' One of the workers, about early twenty with blond hair asked Pein. ''Should Big Daddy Pein disfigure his body in such a way?''

''Huh? Did you just call yourself...''

''Yes!''

''Oh, anyway, you're covered in piercings…do you really care?''

''Huh…you're right I supposed.''

''What is your name?''

''My name…my name is Pein…and you shall graft me with the tattoos I desire or become one of my Rin'nengan bodies.''

''Uum ok…I don't know what your smoking but I definitely want some.''

''I do not smoke this pot you speak of. Just this herb described to me by my doctor for my eyes. ''

While that was going on Itachi and Kisame were dealing with some things on their own.

''Hey check it out…dude a freaky shark man…''

Kisame reaches for Samheda but Itachi stops him. ''Kisame no time for foolishness…we must hurry in line for Tatsu and then the Goliath. We have no time for your quarrels. ''

''But Itachi!''

''Do you want to be Tsukiyomi if you don't comply?''

''I always get Tsukiyomi…You hit me with that damn thing regardless of what I do.''

0

First Flashback

0

''Kisame…you have ruined my life time collection of Bobble-heads. Now I must start over again. You owe me 50,000,000 million Ryo.''

''What! No way in hell am I paying that much Itachi!''

''Do you want to me to Tsukiyomi you?!''

''No! Of course not!''

Eyes morphed to Mangekyou ''Too Late! Tsukiyomi!"'

0

Next one

0

''Kisame! You have eaten the last chocolate bar! I waited two weeks to eat that chocolate bar. Two weeks of dodging and ducking hunter-nin. Making my way back here for that chocolate bar. Either you go buy me a crate or prepared to suffer the consequences.''

''Oh come on…the next chocolate store is fifty miles away.''

''Do you want me to Tsukiyomi you?'' Eyes morph to Mangekyou. ''Too late! Tsukiyomi!''

0

Last Flashback

0

''Kisame you have smoked the last of the 'herb' which I needed for my eyes. Either you go and find another Uchiha to replace my existing ones or deal with what I have in store for you.''

''But you killed them all!''

''The question is…how many times can I Tsukiyomi you until I run out of chakra.''

''Oh come on Itachi this is impossible.''

''Then answer me this…do you want to be Tsukiyomi?''

_Damnit! This always happen! This is some bullshit! Every time I say know he hits me with that damn Genjutsu anyway. Unless. _''Y-Yes!''

''You do!? Ok! Tsukiyomi!''

''God damnit!"'

0

Flashback End

0

''You know that's the reason why you're probably almost blind now. Abusing the hell out of your eyes to torture me.''

''In the long run...it was worth it.''

''What about the guy next to him…looks like a Homo.'' Itachi spun around and started doing hand seals. He launched the Grand Fireball into the crowd of people, killing the person and all those around him. The result was the park catching on fire.

''What the hell Itachi?''

''If anyone asked we were attacked by a bounty hunter. Now quickly make haste before he are consumed in the flames.''

In another part of the park the others were getting something to eat.

''Saisori-Dono do you smell that?'' The bomb terrorist asked.

''It's your upper lip.''

''Hey fucking you un. I mean that burning smell. ''

''Run awaaaaaaaaay!'' Kisame shouted as he and Itachi ran by.

''Quickly…we must save the children…wait no fuck that! We must save the weed!'' Deidara shouted as he ran off in some random direction.

_It's times like this I wish I stayed in Suna._

000

Kakuzu was the only one riding the rides at Magic Mountain. Why? Because it's the fucking thing you do when you go to Magic Mountain. He was able to finally acquire a second heart, a pregnant woman's heart at that. So now he had two hearts…he was riding the ride when suddenly he saw further along the tracks were falling apart, lit ablaze. Now he thought it was part of the ride. He could not differentiate between the other rider's current screams from there screams of earlier so he had no idea what awaited for him.

0

With Hidan

0

Hidan on the other hand was explaining about his Kami to a group of Christians He had no idea what the hell was about to happen. He heard several people point up and scream. As he looked above, he saw Kakuzu, in a coaster, barreling towards him having flown off the tracks. ''Oh Fuc...''

0

With Naruto

0

Naruto from above one of the shops saw the mayhem. It purely comical to see Hidan crushed by a coaster. From the looks of things Kakuzu was having another heart attack by the way he was grasping one of his chest. ''Poor old bastard.'' He turned to the other side and saw some police cars rolling up. ''Shit…time to bail!''

0

With Konan

0

Konan was currently cosplaying as Kairi from Kingdom Hearts 1 with some alterations. Her white tip was trimmed where it ended below her firm D-cups showing off a lot of flesh, not to mention a short purple, skin tight skirt showing off her round ass. She wasn't sure why she was into this sort of thing. It was as if another part of her existed deep within her subconscious. Manifesting into different forms depending on the user. Whether is was aggression, outgoing, or even perverted. She was…

''Konan a fire has seem to have started, so we must…'' Itachi took one look at her state of dressed and passed out with a nose bleed. Konan went over to the downed Uchiha and kicked him in the ribs while muttering 'hentai.' She knew that she was being a bit of an ass as her state of dress left little to nothing for the imagination. She thought about it and then wandered. Why did some women choose to dress as sluts and get all offended when men hit on them? Why did women go to clubs if they were in relationships or wanted to just dance with there friends? It was stupid shit like that which formed a label and made women like her who wanted to have some fun or do some crazy shit look bad in general because of a few dumb ones. No scandolous clothing for her without the immediate brand of being a slut or easy for her. It was the same thing with men and how they were labeled all as dogs and none of them were any good or stupid shit like that. She wandered how the so called smartest race on the planet, Kami's so called chosen race could be so stupid at times. She held her head as a migraine was coming. She was thinking too much. ''And here comes pervert number 2.''

''Hey Konan have you seen It…Bow-chicka-Bow-Wow.'' The next thing Kisame knew a paper dagger made way to his eye.

0

With Sasori

0

Sasori was running like his life depended on it. Because it really did…A giant ass fire and hundreds of people was like Christmas morning for Deidara, whom; Would pack explosives at all times. He made it to the parking lot and saw what looked like Konan in a cosplay outfit trying to stuff what looked like Kisame's body in the trunk of a car. He slowly began to back away…he knew what was happening. They were all dying again…he sure as hell didn't plan on dying. He saw the Crushed form of Hidan and knew something painful was coming . It was happened without fail. When one of them started dying they all did. Except for Tobi, the little bastard was immortal or something. Sasori almost wanted to cry out and laugh like a little child as he got farther and farther away from the park. Dying was painful as fuck…despite they were always brought back to life like Kenny from South Park. It didn't mean he wanted to die…because dying was painful. ''HAHAHA! I'm going to make it. I'm not going to die…woo not me.'' If anyone saw or heard him now they could have sworn he was a different person. ''Oh man this is….'' Now if only he had saw that Bus.

0

With Pein

0

''Where is Tobi? Little bastard always seems to survive…if I stay with him I might make it.'' He didn't know how or why Itachi set the park on fire, but he didn't plan on dying over the reason, he was sure it was stupid. He should have brought his Rin'nengan bodies with him. Maybe fate would have just killed one of them…or maybe he should keep one of the other members around so when they started dying he could sacrifice them. He was the leader after all…he couldn't be replaced.''

''Give me all your money freak!'' Some Junkie shouted at him pulling out a gun.

''I got a better idea…'' Pein raises his hand. ''Talk to the hand….Shinra Tensei!'' He blasted the thug into a lamp post, breaking him in half, killing him instantly. ''That's right…no one can fuck with Pe…'' He side stepped as a Satellite fell down. It would have killed him instantly if he didn't move. ''Tobi's a good boy look Leader-Sempai! Catch!'' Tobi threw some needles at Pein.

''Wha…'' He didn't finish as some of the needles stabbed into him.

''Acupuncture needles…like in the shows.'' Tobi said holding up a box that read 'Poison Tip Needles.''

''Oh Mother Fu…'' Pein fell forward, dying slowly. He made a note to kill Tobi when he came back alive.

0

End of the day

0

Naruto and Konan waited by the Van. The park was closed down early for obvious reasons. Itachi, with some tissue stuck up his nose along with Deidara walked over.

''Huh…so this is all who survived…not counting Tobi as he never arrives on time.'' Itachi commented.

''Apparently so…I'll start up the Van.'' Deidara said as he took out the keys he found on Pein's body. Itachi and Konan looked at each other and started to slowly back away. Naruto noticed this and followed there example. Deidara tried three times to cut on the car, twisting the keys. He looked up, halfway twisting and noticed the others backing away. ''Hey why are you guys,'' He finished the twist and then thought about something. ''Fuck my life.'' The Van promptly exploded.

''Huh…so who wants Ice Cream?'' Naruto asked, as Konan and Itachi began bouncing around like children.

000

Next time on Akatsuki Misadventures

000

''Tobi the other way!'' Hidan screamed.

When then members were brought back to life something strange happened. Hidan's body remained dead so now he had to be carried around on a plate.

''I say we burry him!'' Kakuzu suggested as Hidan began screaming. It was well known that the immortal had developed a fear of being buried alive.

''I got a better idea…how about we resurrect his body. I know just the person who we can talk to,'' Deidara suggested. ''Though the journey to his place is through the Country of Darkness.''

''Great the country of Darkness…it just practically screams were all going to die,'' Kisame said sarcastically.


	5. Prelude to More Trouble:Rewritten

The Misadventure's of the Akatsuki

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NarutoxKonanxHarem. (Yugito, Sakura, Hinata, Temari, Shion, Sasame, Hana, Tsume, and Isaribi) The Main focus will be Konan though. I will do one-shot lemons though with the other girls of Naruto but they won't play a major focus in the pairing.

ItachixOc Uchiha (Presumably the unnamed Girlfriend from the Manga.)

0

Misadventures- A fanfiction portraying the Akatsuki in a humorous and crack fic like manner. The Akatsuki are the following.

-

Deidara- The Bishounen foul mouth, art obsessed member. Like all the members he has a strong like for Alcohol and recently weed. (See chapter 1.) Often made fun of the other characters by his style of speech and looks he's known to often be involved in complicated schemes, usually the guy who blows shit up.

Sasori- One of the quieter and less insane members of the troupe. Been known to have a thing for blondes. From time to time he breaks his silence by either offering words of wisdom or making a completely random Suggestion.

Zetsu-The quietest and most mysterious of the Akatsuki. Goes along with anyone and is neutral. From time to time tries to eat the other members or there pets. (Stay tune for future chapters.)

Hidan-The foul mouthed immortal of the group. Known to be very religious and violent. Loves crack and is a Kleptomaniac. Known to cause children to cry and cause adults to commit suicide.

Kakuzu- The greediest member of Akatsuki. Normally serves as a counter balance to more of the insane behavior of the members. The Ironic thing about this guy is that his immortality is based off having a maximum of five hearts, yet most of his deaths are heart attack related.

Itachi-The Closet Pervert of the Akatsuki. Has been known to kill anyone who messes with his stash. Also tends to Tsukiyomi people a lot, specifically Kisame. Also one of the more insane members, though his bouts are more concentrated and deadly then spread out like the others.

Kisame- An Open pervert and cannibal. Kisame loves committing mass murder and weed. If there is anything involving drugs then he's most likely involved.

Tobi-The most cheerful and naive of the Akatsuki. Often the Catalyst for Mayhem and other plots that often result in one or more of the members being killed. The running joke is that Tobi is immortal as he usually miraculously survives or disappears.

Konan- The most intelligent of the Akatsuki members and by far sane. Though she has her quirks being a bit of a Nympho and Cosplayer. The Voice of Reason of the group not to mention the one who usually solves the problems. Also know to have a one of a kind jewel that lets her possess the body of others and allows them to feel what she feels.

Pein/Nagato- The leader of the group who is a lightweight when it comes to any type of abuse able substance. Often either Unconscious or somewhere else when things happen. When he is there he is usually panicking like the others. The only person who can keep control of him is Konan

Naruto-Temporary? Soon to be new guy and former target of the Akatsuki. Known as quite the playboy and worshiped by Kisame and Itachi. Is in need of a seal to suppress Kyuubi whose interfering with Naruto's ability to have some fun.

The Akatsuki-Despite their differences they have many things in common. One is they are often dying in embarrassing or unbelievable ways, only to be brought back to life later like nothing happened.

Also they all from time to time abuse substances like Alcohol or Beer. Above all else they have a treasured item that they would kill anyone over.

They also have a game call 'Clowin' when they start doing Yo Mama Jokes for extreme hilarity.

All and all…it's these traits and more that contribute to there Misadventures.

000

Konoha 12

000

Hinata-The Shy one of the Bunch and the most endowed of the girls. Has a secret Inner Pervert and desired to be 'tamed' by her love Naruto. Hinata is known to rarely get angry or drunk and when she does watch out. Has an alter-ego known as Evil Hinata who comes in great times of stress, anger, or drunkenness. She usually magically appears in an all black leather outfit and paddle that can send people flying several kilometers. She's also known to be invincible and immune to everything from poison to logic with her only weaknesses being Naruto and Holy Water. As a result Hinata is the only shinobi in history to get a special circumstantial SSS-rank label while being loyal to her village.

Sakura-One of the crazier members also has a secret and perverted side. Has a desire to dominate a strong willed and feral Naruto in bed. The type girl that can whoop your ass with a punch and turn around and heal you. Rumors has it that she has a catgirl outfit and a Death Note.

Sasuke-The slightly psychotic one of the K12. He's calm down from his overwhelmingly life of darkness and hatred, but can't seem to function without having vengeance. As a result he's on a never ending quest of vengeance for anyone who tries to kill him to simply kicking his puppy Bosco 2. Bosco 2 is named after Bosco, Sasuke's original dog when he was young and the real reason why Sasuke swore vengeance upon Itachi.

Kiba-One of the more perverted members and along with Shino have been known to smoke and sale weed. He's the louder and more boisterous of the duo with his partner Akamaru who has a keen nose for weed as well. Kiba is also one of the few people who knows the identity of the infamous Panty Bandit.

Shino-One of the more intelligent and stoic members of the K12 who also peddles out weed along with Kiba. Also despite how much people try to coax emotion out of him he always talks in monotone. Also rumor has it, or mostly because Kiba states it that he might be the infamous Panty Bandit who is never dare when the Panty Bandit is in public sight.

Ino-The sexy and talkative blond is the heiress of the Yamanka clan. If anyone is to know about the latest gossip its her.

Chouji-The Large kid of the bunch and one of the physically strongest. Chouji is quite kind and intelligent, even a decent cook. Watch out because if you call him fat he literally squashes you.

Shikamaru-The most intelligent of the K12 and one of the true geniuses of Konoha Shikamaru is known for thinking ten steps ahead of his opponents. He's also quite lazy so why the hell is that attractive brunette from wine country dating him?

Tenten-The weapon happy weapons master of Konoha. Tenten is the first Konoha shinobi of history banned from handling explosives even at the price of failing a mission. So she blew up twenty houses, six factories, three museums, two restaurants, and a golf course. It was an accident. She also has deadly pinpoint accuracy and can pull weapons out of the mythical hammer space.

Neji-Another Stoic member of the K12 and secret pervert. Neji has a fetish for long haired black haired girls. He's also known to go into a murderous rage against anyone who damages his hair.

Lee- The must exuberant member and most energetic excluding Naruto. The heir to the philosophy of Youth and the most extreme. Their is few people who can defeat a drunk Rock Lee in battle.

0

Story Start

0

''Tobi the other way!'' Hidan screamed.

When then members were brought back to life something strange happened. Hidan's body remained dead so now he had to be carried around on a plate.

''I say we bury him!'' Kakuzu suggested as Hidan began screaming. It was well known that the immortal had developed a fear of being buried alive.

''I got a better idea…how about we resurrect his body. I know just the person who we can talk to,'' Deidara suggested. ''Though the journey to his place is through the Country of Darkness.''

''Great the country of Darkness…it just practically screams were all going to die,'' Kisame said sarcastically.

''I got a better idea…let's not and say we did. I sure as hell don't want to die,'' Naruto added, clicking on the tv and turning it to Adult Swim. Boondocks was on and that was the shit.

''I don't know why your complaining. You haven't died…yet.''-Deidara.

''I sure as hell don't want to find out either…looks painful. Death does not really like any of you.''

''Hey I would have survived. If that bitch didn't murder me!'' Kisame screamed pointing at Konan.

''You got what was coming to you.''

''How was it my fault? You women I swear…you want to act and do something and when a guy reacts in the way you don't like you fuck them up. How does that make any sense.''

''I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. ''

''Hey! One of you fuckers need to feed me! I'm hungry!''

''Hidan you dipshit! You don't have a stomach!'' Naruto yelled from over the couch.

''Oh yeah!''

''Big Daddy Pein has arrived now we…''

''Wait…did you just call yourself?'' –Naruto.

''Yes…shut up…now I have a new plan for what we should do to…''

''You know I have a plan to…how about you come up with something that won't get us killed for once.'' Hidan interrupted.

Pein takes out a book with the words death note on it. ''Hidan…2:45 P.M. Hit by a Plane… ''

'What the fuck!''

''Now as I was saying…tomorrow is my late uncle birthday…henceforth in the spirit of his memory I wish to celebrate it in the way he would have wanted me to.'' Everyone had got quiet, Pein seemed to be had gotten deathly serious as he closed his eyes. ''By going to a strip club!''

''Whoo-hoo!"'

''Hell Yeah!''

''Fucking right!"'

''Poon!"

The guys all cheered, it was momentary until they felt some Killing Intent. ''Konan is going to kill us all. Run away!'' Everyone took off towards there room and locking the doors, not wanting to suffer the woman's wrath. Hidan, with no body, tried to hobble away but it up falling off the platter and rolling off the table.

''Son of a Bitch!''

''Why the hell do I put up with you idiots?'' She murmured as she left for her room to unearth her hidden stash of Sake.


	6. Naruto's Delimma

The Misadventure's of the Akatsuki

0

NarutoxKonanxHarem. (Yugito, Sakura, Hinata, Temari, Shion, Sasame, Hana, Tsume, and Isaribi) The Main focus will be Konan though. I will do one-shot lemons though with the other girls of Naruto but they won't play a major focus in the pairing.

ItachixOc Uchiha (Presumably the unnamed Girlfriend from the Manga.)

0

Misadventures- A fanfiction portraying the Akatsuki in a humorous and crack fic like manner. The Akatsuki are the following.

-

Deidara- The Bishounen foul mouth, art obsessed member. Like all the members he has a strong like for Alcohol and recently weed. (See chapter 1.) Often made fun of the other characters by his style of speech and looks he's known to often be involved in complicated schemes, usually the guy who blows shit up.

Sasori- One of the quieter and less insane members of the troupe. Been known to have a thing for blondes. From time to time he breaks his silence by either offering words of wisdom or making a completely random Suggestion.

Zetsu-The quietest and most mysterious of the Akatsuki. Goes along with anyone and is neutral. From time to time tries to eat the other members or there pets. (Stay tune for future chapters.)

Hidan-The foul mouthed immortal of the group. Known to be very religious and violent. Loves crack and is a Kleptomaniac. Known to cause children to cry and cause adults to commit suicide.

Kakuzu- The greediest member of Akatsuki. Normally serves as a counter balance to more of the insane behavior of the members. The Ironic thing about this guy is that his immortality is based off having a maximum of five hearts, yet most of his deaths are heart attack related.

Itachi-The Closet Pervert of the Akatsuki. Has been known to kill anyone who messes with his stash. Also tends to Tsukiyomi people a lot, specifically Kisame. Also one of the more insane members, though his bouts are more concentrated and deadly then spread out like the others.

Kisame- An Open pervert and cannibal. Kisame loves committing mass murder and weed. If there is anything involving drugs then he's most likely involved.

Tobi-The most cheerful and naive of the Akatsuki. Often the Catalyst for Mayhem and other plots that often result in one or more of the members being killed. The running joke is that Tobi is immortal as he usually miraculously survives or disappears.

Konan- The most intelligent of the Akatsuki members and by far sane. Though she has her quirks being a bit of a Nympho and Cosplayer. The Voice of Reason of the group not to mention the one who usually solves the problems. Also know to have a one of a kind jewel that lets her possess the body of others and allows them to feel what she feels.

Pein/Nagato- The leader of the group who is a lightweight when it comes to any type of abuse able substance. Often either Unconscious or somewhere else when things happen. When he is there he is usually panicking like the others. The only person who can keep control of him is Konan

Naruto-Temporary? Soon to be new guy and former target of the Akatsuki. Known as quite the playboy and worshiped by Kisame and Itachi. Is in need of a seal to suppress Kyuubi whose interfering with Naruto's ability to have some fun.

The Akatsuki-Despite their differences they have many things in common. One is they are often dying in embarrassing or unbelievable ways, only to be brought back to life later like nothing happened.

Also they all from time to time abuse substances like Alcohol or Beer. Above all else they have a treasured item that they would kill anyone over.

They also have a game call 'Clowin' when they start doing Yo Mama Jokes for extreme hilarity.

All and all…it's these traits and more that contribute to there Misadventures.

000

Konoha 12

000

Hinata-The Shy one of the Bunch and the most endowed of the girls. Has a secret Inner Pervert and desired to be 'tamed' by her love Naruto. Hinata is known to rarely get angry or drunk and when she does watch out. Has an alter-ego known as Evil Hinata who comes in great times of stress, anger, or drunkenness. She usually magically appears in an all black leather outfit and paddle that can send people flying several kilometers. She's also known to be invincible and immune to everything from poison to logic with her only weaknesses being Naruto and Holy Water. As a result Hinata is the only shinobi in history to get a special circumstantial SSS-rank label while being loyal to her village.

Sakura-One of the crazier members also has a secret and perverted side. Has a desire to dominate a strong willed and feral Naruto in bed. The type girl that can whoop your ass with a punch and turn around and heal you. Rumors has it that she has a catgirl outfit and a Death Note.

Sasuke-The slightly psychotic one of the K12. He's calm down from his overwhelmingly life of darkness and hatred, but can't seem to function without having vengeance. As a result he's on a never ending quest of vengeance for anyone who tries to kill him to simply kicking his puppy Bosco 2. Bosco 2 is named after Bosco, Sasuke's original dog when he was young and the real reason why Sasuke swore vengeance upon Itachi.

Kiba-One of the more perverted members and along with Shino have been known to smoke and sale weed. He's the louder and more boisterous of the duo with his partner Akamaru who has a keen nose for weed as well. Kiba is also one of the few people who knows the identity of the infamous Panty Bandit.

Shino-One of the more intelligent and stoic members of the K12 who also peddles out weed along with Kiba. Also despite how much people try to coax emotion out of him he always talks in monotone. Also rumor has it, or mostly because Kiba states it that he might be the infamous Panty Bandit who is never dare when the Panty Bandit is in public sight.

Ino-The sexy and talkative blond is the heiress of the Yamanka clan. If anyone is to know about the latest gossip its her.

Chouji-The Large kid of the bunch and one of the physically strongest. Chouji is quite kind and intelligent, even a decent cook. Watch out because if you call him fat he literally squashes you.

Shikamaru-The most intelligent of the K12 and one of the true geniuses of Konoha Shikamaru is known for thinking ten steps ahead of his opponents. He's also quite lazy so why the hell is that attractive brunette from wine country dating him?

Tenten-The weapon happy weapons master of Konoha. Tenten is the first Konoha shinobi of history banned from handling explosives even at the price of failing a mission. So she blew up twenty houses, six factories, three museums, two restaurants, and a golf course. It was an accident. She also has deadly pinpoint accuracy and can pull weapons out of the mythical hammer space.

Neji-Another Stoic member of the K12 and secret pervert. Neji has a fetish for long haired black haired girls. He's also known to go into a murderous rage against anyone who damages his hair.

Lee- The must exuberant member and most energetic excluding Naruto. The heir to the philosophy of Youth and the most extreme. Their is few people who can defeat a drunk Rock Lee in battle.

0

Warning

0

Do not read story wild drinking liquids(Especially hot ones) due to risk of first degree burns and choking.

Do not read story while eating due to risk of choking.

Do not read story wild anyone below the age of sixteen or while a parent is around.

Do not read story when everyone at house is asleep due to risk of waking them from loud laughter. You have been warned.

0

Story Start

0

''Uugh….what the hell? Where am I?'' Naruto asked as he heard the sound of dripping water. Next thing he knew he could see, as the blind fold covering his eyes was taken off. Who stood across from him was none other then some person in a batman costume.

**''I got some questions for you,'' **The person, most likely male asked.

''I got some questions for you… Who are you? Where am I?''

**''I'm Batman.''**

''No your not…your some crazy ass guy in a costume…you're a damn disgrace…why the fuck am I in a cave?''

**''I want some information.''**

''Man fuck that…how did I get here? Last thing I know I was knocking back drinks at the strip club and…you put something in my drink didn't you? Your not one of those freaky people from Pulp fiction are you? I swear to Osama Bin Landen I will bite that shit off if you try something.''

''I'm not gay!''

''Tobi?''

**''I mean…I'm not gay.'' **

''Tobi is that you?''

**''I'm Batman!"**

**''**Tobi if you don't get me out of these bat cuffs. I'm going to whoop yo ass and then I'm going to whoop yo daddy ass for making you.''

**''I'm Batman damnit!'' **

''Uh-huh ok….I'm telling Tobi's Okaa-san then when this over.''

**'' Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa there, theres no need to call Tobi's Okaa-san…I obviously made a mistake and you're free to go.''**

''Yeah I thought so.''

0

2 days later

0

''HAHAHAH! Fucking finally! The CURE!'' Naruto shouted as he gulped down the potion. He was the happiest damn person in the world.

Meanwhile

''Final Round…Deidara-Sempai vs. Kisame-sempai. 3 Last Jokes.''-Tobi.

Deidara-'' Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

'' Yo mama so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.''

'' Yo mama so nasty she made speed stick slow down.''

'' Yo mama so nasty that pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.''

'' It took yo mama 10 tries to get her drivers license because she couldn't get used to the front seat!''

''Hahaha!''

''Oh man now that's original.''

''Come on Kisame you got to give it to'em.''

''Yo Mama is so fat, when she went swimming in the gulf of Mexico, she farted and that's what caused Hurricane Katrina.''

It all got quiet. The following happened.

Kakuzu just started rolling. It was the hardest the Akatsuki member ever laughed. Every few seconds he had to catch his breath. Itachi had to spit out his drink as he started to choke because he started to laugh.

Zetsu's lips twitched into a half smile.

Sasori fell over.

Everyone else though just roared with laughter.

''Now that was hilarious,'' Pein said, wiping a tear from his eye. ''But it was too soon.''

''What do I care? I'm evil!''

''No you're bloody thirsty and psychotic, not to mention perverted. What led you here was by circumstance, so you're not really evil.''

''Bah!''

''Hey Pein! Where's Konan! Haven't seen her all day and I'm anxious to see if this cure worked.''

''Didn't you get the letter?''

''What letter?''

''Konan's on a mission to the western country. She's going to be gone for two months.''

''………''

''Naruto?''

''……..''

''You ok?''

''……….''

Itachi sensed that a great evil was coming. So he stood up and ran….ran as fast as he could. Now seeing the stoic Uchiha ran like there was Pocki on sale brought something to Sasori/Pein/Zetsu's attention. Being part of the smarter half of Akatsuki, which only seemed to work when they sensed they were going to die also took off. It took that for the others to finally realize that maybe they should go.

''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'' ** Demonic Youki exploded around the Blond as anger consumed him. No Poon for an additional two months? They wait until now to give them the cure. Oh there was going to be hell to pay.

''Naruto-Sem-oof,'' Tobi was smacked into a fall and phased right through it. Figures…he always managed to escape. It didn't matter… he thought as four tails swung behind him wildly. As he prepared the menacing ball all he wanted to do was to distribute some Pain.


	7. Reasons why Deidara dislikes Tobi

The Misadventure's of the Akatsuki

0

NarutoxKonanxHarem. (Yugito, Sakura, Hinata, Temari, Shion, Sasame, Hana, Tsume, and Isaribi) The Main focus will be Konan though. I will do one-shot lemons though with the other girls of Naruto but they won't play a major focus in the pairing.

ItachixOc Uchiha (Presumably the unnamed Girlfriend from the Manga.)

0

Misadventures- A fanfiction portraying the Akatsuki in a humorous and crack fic like manner. The Akatsuki are the following.

-

Deidara- The Bishounen foul mouth, art obsessed member. Like all the members he has a strong like for Alcohol and recently weed. (See chapter 1.) Often made fun of the other characters by his style of speech and looks he's known to often be involved in complicated schemes, usually the guy who blows shit up.

Sasori- One of the quieter and less insane members of the troupe. Been known to have a thing for blondes. From time to time he breaks his silence by either offering words of wisdom or making a completely random Suggestion.

Zetsu-The quietest and most mysterious of the Akatsuki. Goes along with anyone and is neutral. From time to time tries to eat the other members or there pets. (Stay tune for future chapters.)

Hidan-The foul mouthed immortal of the group. Known to be very religious and violent. Loves crack and is a Kleptomaniac. Known to cause children to cry and cause adults to commit suicide.

Kakuzu- The greediest member of Akatsuki. Normally serves as a counter balance to more of the insane behavior of the members. The Ironic thing about this guy is that his immortality is based off having a maximum of five hearts, yet most of his deaths are heart attack related.

Itachi-The Closet Pervert of the Akatsuki. Has been known to kill anyone who messes with his stash. Also tends to Tsukiyomi people a lot, specifically Kisame. Also one of the more insane members, though his bouts are more concentrated and deadly then spread out like the others.

Kisame- An Open pervert and cannibal. Kisame loves committing mass murder and weed. If there is anything involving drugs then he's most likely involved.

Tobi-The most cheerful and naive of the Akatsuki. Often the Catalyst for Mayhem and other plots that often result in one or more of the members being killed. The running joke is that Tobi is immortal as he usually miraculously survives or disappears.

Konan- The most intelligent of the Akatsuki members and by far sane. Though she has her quirks being a bit of a Nympho and Cosplayer. The Voice of Reason of the group not to mention the one who usually solves the problems. Also know to have a one of a kind jewel that lets her possess the body of others and allows them to feel what she feels.

Pein/Nagato- The leader of the group who is a lightweight when it comes to any type of abuse able substance. Often either Unconscious or somewhere else when things happen. When he is there he is usually panicking like the others. The only person who can keep control of him is Konan

Naruto-Temporary? Soon to be new guy and former target of the Akatsuki. Known as quite the playboy and worshiped by Kisame and Itachi. Is in need of a seal to suppress Kyuubi whose interfering with Naruto's ability to have some fun.

The Akatsuki-Despite their differences they have many things in common. One is they are often dying in embarrassing or unbelievable ways, only to be brought back to life later like nothing happened.

Also they all from time to time abuse substances like Alcohol or Beer. Above all else they have a treasured item that they would kill anyone over.

They also have a game call 'Clowin' when they start doing Yo Mama Jokes for extreme hilarity.

All and all…it's these traits and more that contribute to there Misadventures.

000

Konoha 12

000

Hinata-The Shy one of the Bunch and the most endowed of the girls. Has a secret Inner Pervert and desired to be 'tamed' by her love Naruto. Hinata is known to rarely get angry or drunk and when she does watch out. Has an alter-ego known as Evil Hinata who comes in great times of stress, anger, or drunkenness. She usually magically appears in an all black leather outfit and paddle that can send people flying several kilometers. She's also known to be invincible and immune to everything from poison to logic with her only weaknesses being Naruto and Holy Water. As a result Hinata is the only shinobi in history to get a special circumstantial SSS-rank label while being loyal to her village.

Sakura-One of the crazier members also has a secret and perverted side. Has a desire to dominate a strong willed and feral Naruto in bed. The type girl that can whoop your ass with a punch and turn around and heal you. Rumors has it that she has a catgirl outfit and a Death Note.

Sasuke-The slightly psychotic one of the K12. He's calm down from his overwhelmingly life of darkness and hatred, but can't seem to function without having vengeance. As a result he's on a never ending quest of vengeance for anyone who tries to kill him to simply kicking his puppy Bosco 2. Bosco 2 is named after Bosco, Sasuke's original dog when he was young and the real reason why Sasuke swore vengeance upon Itachi.

Kiba-One of the more perverted members and along with Shino have been known to smoke and sale weed. He's the louder and more boisterous of the duo with his partner Akamaru who has a keen nose for weed as well. Kiba is also one of the few people who knows the identity of the infamous Panty Bandit.

Shino-One of the more intelligent and stoic members of the K12 who also peddles out weed along with Kiba. Also despite how much people try to coax emotion out of him he always talks in monotone. Also rumor has it, or mostly because Kiba states it that he might be the infamous Panty Bandit who is never dare when the Panty Bandit is in public sight.

Ino-The sexy and talkative blond is the heiress of the Yamanka clan. If anyone is to know about the latest gossip its her.

Chouji-The Large kid of the bunch and one of the physically strongest. Chouji is quite kind and intelligent, even a decent cook. Watch out because if you call him fat he literally squashes you.

Shikamaru-The most intelligent of the K12 and one of the true geniuses of Konoha Shikamaru is known for thinking ten steps ahead of his opponents. He's also quite lazy so why the hell is that attractive brunette from wine country dating him?

Tenten-The weapon happy weapons master of Konoha. Tenten is the first Konoha shinobi of history banned from handling explosives even at the price of failing a mission. So she blew up twenty houses, six factories, three museums, two restaurants, and a golf course. It was an accident. She also has deadly pinpoint accuracy and can pull weapons out of the mythical hammer space.

Neji-Another Stoic member of the K12 and secret pervert. Neji has a fetish for long haired black haired girls. He's also known to go into a murderous rage against anyone who damages his hair.

Lee- The must exuberant member and most energetic excluding Naruto. The heir to the philosophy of Youth and the most extreme. Their is few people who can defeat a drunk Rock Lee in battle.

0

Story Start

0

''Why the hell do I got to do it?'' Deidara whined, as Pein explained yet again why he had to take Tobi to the Zoo.

''As you know Tobi has been bugging me none stop for the past week. If it was anyone else I would have killed him. ''

''You mean because of your inability to kill Tobi.''

''Shinra Tensi bitch slap!'' With a wave Pein compressed the gravity slap smacked Deidara.

''WHAT THE HELL?''

''That was in response to your comment. As I've told you all before I don't appreciate such rude behavior between our members.''

''YOU JUST BITCH-SLAPPED ME WITH A GRAVITY ATTACK? WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU CALL THAT?''

''I'd call that the perks of being the leader. As the leader I can not waste time doing such foolish things. Konan is gone, Naruto has gone insane and has been missing for weeks, Itachi and Kakuzu are at the post office paying our bills, Zetsu and Kisame are grocery shopping.''

''What about Hidan?''

''Can't find him...'

''Couldn't you just I don't know? Look for him with your Rin'ngengan bodies Leader-_sama.''_

''Someone such as I will not debase the Rin'nengan for such meager things.''

_''_But a week ago you used the Shinra Tensei to get the cookie jar off the fridge. You damn near took out the kitchen.''

''Deidara as your leader I'm ordering you take Tobi to the Zoo so he'll leave me alone.''

_''You crippled son of a bitch!''_

''What was that?''

''Nothing!''

-----------

To say Deidara was pissed was an understatement. First Tobi wouldn't shut up during the entire trip to the Zoo. Then he ran off and Deidara had to search for him only to find out Tobi had let some animals out, stole food, and beat up some security guards with a spoon. Worst of all the managers decided to sue 'him' not Tobi, but him as they saw the strange orange masked person as completely incompetent and unreliable for paying for the damage he caused.

''Tobi go away Goddamnit!'' Deidara yelled furiously as he tried to shake Tobi off his leg. Though the orange masked shinobi clung to his leg.

''Tobi sorry Sempai...Tobi will be a good boy Tobi swears.''

''Hey Tobi looks cookies!''

Tobi let go and his head snapped in the opposite direction.

''Yoink!''

Tobi turned back around to see Deidara was gone.

''SEMPAAAAAAAAI! Come back...'' Tobi cried dramatically as he ran through the corridors. If it wasn't for the dental benefits that Deidara got for being a member of Akatsuki he would have blown them all to hell years ago, especially Tobi.


	8. Last Days of the Akatsuki:Rewritten

The Misadventure's of the Akatsuki

0

NarutoxKonanxHarem. (Yugito, Sakura, Hinata, Temari, Shion, Sasame, Hana, Tsume, and Isaribi) The Main focus will be Konan though. I will do one-shot lemons though with the other girls of Naruto but they won't play a major focus in the pairing.

ItachixOc Uchiha (Presumably the unnamed Girlfriend from the Manga.)

0

Misadventures- A fanfiction portraying the Akatsuki in a humorous and crack fic like manner. The Akatsuki are the following.

Deidara- The Bishounen foul mouth, art obsessed member. Like all the members he has a strong like for Alcohol and recently weed. (See chapter 1.) Often made fun of the other characters by his style of speech and looks he's known to often be involved in complicated schemes, usually the guy who blows shit up.

Sasori- One of the quieter and less insane members of the troupe. Been known to have a thing for blondes. From time to time he breaks his silence by either offering words of wisdom or making a completely random Suggestion.

Zetsu-The quietest and most mysterious of the Akatsuki. Goes along with anyone and is neutral. From time to time tries to eat the other members or there pets. (Stay tune for future chapters.)

Hidan-The foul mouthed immortal of the group. Known to be very religious and violent. Loves crack and is a Kleptomaniac. Known to cause children to cry and cause adults to commit suicide.

Kakuzu- The greediest member of Akatsuki. Normally serves as a counter balance to more of the insane behavior of the members. The Ironic thing about this guy is that his immortality is based off having a maximum of five hearts, yet most of his deaths are heart attack related.

Itachi-The Closet Pervert of the Akatsuki. Has been known to kill anyone who messes with his stash. Also tends to Tsukiyomi people a lot, specifically Kisame. Also one of the more insane members, though his bouts are more concentrated and deadly then spread out like the others.

Kisame- An Open pervert and cannibal. Kisame loves committing mass murder and weed. If there is anything involving drugs then he's most likely involved.

Tobi-The most cheerful and naive of the Akatsuki. Often the Catalyst for Mayhem and other plots that often result in one or more of the members being killed. The running joke is that Tobi is immortal as he usually miraculously survives or disappears.

Konan- The most intelligent of the Akatsuki members and by far sane. Though she has her quirks being a bit of a Nympho and Cosplayer. The Voice of Reason of the group not to mention the one who usually solves the problems. Also know to have a one of a kind jewel that lets her possess the body of others and allows them to feel what she feels.

Pein/Nagato- The leader of the group who is a lightweight when it comes to any type of abuse able substance. Often either Unconscious or somewhere else when things happen. When he is there he is usually panicking like the others. The only person who can keep control of him is Konan

Naruto-Temporary? Soon to be new guy and former target of the Akatsuki. Known as quite the playboy and worshiped by Kisame and Itachi. Is in need of a seal to suppress Kyuubi whose interfering with Naruto's ability to have some fun.

The Akatsuki-Despite their differences they have many things in common. One is they are often dying in embarrassing or unbelievable ways, only to be brought back to life later like nothing happened.

Also they all from time to time abuse substances like Alcohol or Beer. Above all else they have a treasured item that they would kill anyone over.

They also have a game call 'Clowin' when they start doing Yo Mama Jokes for extreme hilarity.

All and all…it's these traits and more that contribute to there Misadventures.

000

Konoha 12

000

Hinata-The Shy one of the Bunch and the most endowed of the girls. Has a secret Inner Pervert and desired to be 'tamed' by her love Naruto. Hinata is known to rarely get angry or drunk and when she does watch out. Has an alter-ego known as Evil Hinata who comes in great times of stress, anger, or drunkenness. She usually magically appears in an all black leather outfit and paddle that can send people flying several kilometers. She's also known to be invincible and immune to everything from poison to logic with her only weaknesses being Naruto and Holy Water. As a result Hinata is the only shinobi in history to get a special circumstantial SSS-rank label while being loyal to her village.

Sakura-One of the crazier members also has a secret and perverted side. Has a desire to dominate a strong willed and feral Naruto in bed. The type girl that can whoop your ass with a punch and turn around and heal you. Rumors has it that she has a catgirl outfit and a Death Note.

Sasuke-The slightly psychotic one of the K12. He's calm down from his overwhelmingly life of darkness and hatred, but can't seem to function without having vengeance. As a result he's on a never ending quest of vengeance for anyone who tries to kill him to simply kicking his puppy Bosco 2. Bosco 2 is named after Bosco, Sasuke's original dog when he was young and the real reason why Sasuke swore vengeance upon Itachi.

Kiba-One of the more perverted members and along with Shino have been known to smoke and sale weed. He's the louder and more boisterous of the duo with his partner Akamaru who has a keen nose for weed as well. Kiba is also one of the few people who knows the identity of the infamous Panty Bandit.

Shino-One of the more intelligent and stoic members of the K12 who also peddles out weed along with Kiba. Also despite how much people try to coax emotion out of him he always talks in monotone. Also rumor has it, or mostly because Kiba states it that he might be the infamous Panty Bandit who is never dare when the Panty Bandit is in public sight.

Ino-The sexy and talkative blond is the heiress of the Yamanka clan. If anyone is to know about the latest gossip its her.

Chouji-The Large kid of the bunch and one of the physically strongest. Chouji is quite kind and intelligent, even a decent cook. Watch out because if you call him fat he literally squashes you.

Shikamaru-The most intelligent of the K12 and one of the true geniuses of Konoha Shikamaru is known for thinking ten steps ahead of his opponents. He's also quite lazy so why the hell is that attractive brunette from wine country dating him?

Tenten-The weapon happy weapons master of Konoha. Tenten is the first Konoha shinobi of history banned from handling explosives even at the price of failing a mission. So she blew up twenty houses, six factories, three museums, two restaurants, and a golf course. It was an accident. She also has deadly pinpoint accuracy and can pull weapons out of the mythical hammer space.

Neji-Another Stoic member of the K12 and secret pervert. Neji has a fetish for long haired black haired girls. He's also known to go into a murderous rage against anyone who damages his hair.

Lee- The must exuberant member and most energetic excluding Naruto. The heir to the philosophy of Youth and the most extreme. Their is few people who can defeat a drunk Rock Lee in battle.

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Story Start

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The Akatsuki had all gathered around the table looking at the object in the center. They were all nervous, no scared shitless at what it symbolized. It could have only meant they lost their immortality factor. Because in the middle of the table was Tobi's orange spiraled mask. Tobi would do everything with that mask on. He never took that mask off, no matter what.

''What are we going to fucking do man?'' This question came from Kisame. The only reason they were able to move the mask was because Samheda absorbed the youki around it. Deidrara was currently bandaging up his hand from the burn he got from trying to pick up the mask.

''I say we bury it, say a quick pray and move on with our lives,'' Sasori said coldly.

''Sasori-danna that's a bit cold-blooded. I mean were talking about Tobi, he was just a kid. It's not like it was Kisame or something.''

''Fuck you!''

''Piss off.''

''Enough!" Pein roared, slamming his hand on the table. Silence was what followed. _Holy Shit that actually worked. _''Now this is what's going on. Now we are sure from the Youki it was Naruto who did this…now we all just have to relax and wait. I mean he's been gone for weeks now. Nothing has happened besides finding Tobi's mask so whose to say…wait…ok I confused myself.

''He wants us dead…we have effectively cock-blocked him over three times now. If it was me, I would go crazy and killed you all also.''

''We know you would Itachi.''

''Do you want to be Tsukiyomied Kisame?''

''I don't even care anymore.''

''Tsuki…'

''Yehahehe!'' Tobi screamed from the Kitchen.

''That's Tobi! Quick to the Kitcehn!'' They all rushed to the Kitchen to find a beaten and bloody Tobi. He was on his face, a rag covering his head.

''Holy crap…Tobi can get hurt?'' Deidara asked.

''Hurt…pfft…looks like he's dead,'' Hidan added yanking off the rag. ''Holy shit Tobi's Black!'' He screamed as the force of the yank caused Tobi's body to turn over.

''That's not Tobi! **Doesn't smell like Tobi!" **Zetsu took a bite out of the body. ''Doesn't taste like him eith…kkagugh…akfa…**ffhahs.'' **Zetsu started choking.

''Holy shit Zetsu is choking!'' Deidara screamed.

''No shit!" Sasori shouted to him.

''What are you idiots standing around for? Someone perform the Heimlich or what the devil it's called. '' Pein ordered. Kisame ran forward and rammed Samheda into the plant man's stomach. The others mouth dropped opened.

''Kisame the idiocy you have showed today has truly surprised me,'' Came Itachi's stoic comment.

Zetsu started to spit up green blood as his face started to melt.

''Holy shit Shark-shit! What the fuck did you do!''

''Shut the fuck up Deidara it wasn't me!'' Zetsu dropped on the ground dead. The body turned into a puff of smoke revealing a training body covered in a weird green stuff.

''Poison…with acid properties…I know what every poison in the world looks like.'' Sasori stated. ''Zetsu's definitely dead. ''

''Great…so it was a trap. As the leader I ordered you all to protect me. Without me there is no Akatsuki…henceforth a few of you dying is no big deal.''

''Pfft fuck that…''-Kisame.

A note had dropped on the ground. It was written in blood.

**The plant man is dead…every one of you will suffer your fate. Torment and death, the irony of each situation. All these words aren't truthful, all of these words aren't lies. The truth is there are traps built all over the base. The lie is that each one is built specifically for each person. Can you guys make it out of here alive? Probably not…the only rule is to stay alive…stay alive long enough to discover who is…oh shit wait that's a movie…what I meant to say was just don't die or whatever…fuck it I ruined it anyway…not like you can just erase blood…Just don't act like the dumb asses you usually do. If you do, you'll act like the people and saw and die when Jigsaw tells them not to do what they usually would do, they do it anyway and die. Talking about being fucking retarded. **

An explosion was heard from up above. The entrance of the cave would without a doubt be blocked. Meaning they would have to travel through the secret passage.

''No-ah…no way fuck this.'' Deidara said as he took out a clump of clay. ''I'm about to blow us out of here.''

''Yo dumbass…didn't you hear the note. You'll get us all killed.''

''Yeah right…I kept this clay on me all week. No way it could have been tampered with,'' He said putting some in his mouth. ''Hhm Minty.'' He started chewing it. The next thing they knew an explosion shook the kitchen. The blast wasn't enough to knock them out but the smell was. Pieces and bits of Deidara covered them all.

''Dumbass…it's obvious that the killer has studied us…Zetsu a Cannibal died from eating part of a body…Poisoned an ironic fate. Deidara was blown up by his own clay that he kept with him at all times. By acting how we usually act it will lead to our deaths.''

''Guess that means you'll die from boredom huh fuckface?'' Hidan taunted.

'Keep it up Bitch! I'll burn you to ash!'' Itachi shouted as Hidan recoiled.

''Well damn mutha fucka I was joking. Chill out.''

''Enough bickering. I don't plan on dying here. I just lost a meat shie-member…Akatsuki must stand strong. Itachi you are a Saw veteran are you not?''

''Seen all 9 movies over ten times…I think I know how to..'' Itachi jerked forward a bit. He took a step forward or two, a dart was hanging out from the back of his neck. ''Oh this is bullshit.'' He said as he slumped forward, dead.

''Oh come the fuck on…what kind of shit is this?'' Hidan screamed as another note dripped down.

**Forgot Itachi was a Saw Veteran…had to kill him. You bitches will not be getting off easy. I'm going to kill all of you…Then I'm going to sell your body to fangirls. **

''Oh god NOOOOOOOOOOO!'' Kisame screamed as he started to cry hysterically.

''Hhm…whoever this person is…he is a greater evil then Madara and the Bijuu combined. Naruto hates fangirls so he can't be the killer. He might have fought the killer or something. For the time being we must assume that the killer is someone we do not know of. Now follow me.''

''Hold on Leader-sama I need to go get my money.''

''Kakuzu you dumb fuck! Did the recent deaths not mean anything to you?'' Hidan asked his suicidal partner.

''Oh it did…I am an immortal though…I can't be killed so easily.''

''Except by heart attacks.''

''Fuck you Hidan.''

''Kakuzu we can't afford to wait for you….leave now and you will have to find your way out on your own. ''

''Ok.'' Leaves.

''Now follow me…I will lead us to safety.''

With Kakuzu

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''I love money…I love Mon-nayyyy…Fuck this killer…can kiss my ass…now time to raid everyone else's room.'' He sung as a figure moved in the darkness. ''Who the fuck…oh you're the bastard killing everyone. Hey look don't kill me and will split it 95 to 5…sound fair?''

The humanoid figure hissed as it's red eyes glowed.

''What are you going to do? Hiss me to death? Blowing me up, Poisoning me, and chopping me up won't kill me. Sorry but…I'm going to kill you now.'' He said preparing a Lightning Jutsu.

The figure gave a blood curdling scream as it body began to crack and twist. It grew in size to about ten feet tall and sprouted tentacles.

''M-Mommy? B-But I saw you di…'' Kakuzu hunched over and grabbed his chest. ''Oh Kami! '' He starting to see a bright light. ''A white light…Jesus it's my time ?'' He asked as he fell over.

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With the others

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''Hey so how far are we from freedom?'' Itachi asked, scaring the shit out of the others.

''Itachi the hell man...we thought you were dead,'' Kisame said clutching his chest.

''I got better...now about my questions.''

''We aren't that far…just a few more…'' The howl of Ravenous creatures caught there attention. They turned around to see a pack of hungry dogs.

''You guys go on ahead.'' Sasori said stopping.

''Wow Sasori…you're sacrificing yourself so we can stay alive?''

''Kisame you truly are an idiot. I'm inside a puppet jack-ass. I am also covered in deadly poison. Contact without a doubt will kill these creatures. If you guys keep on going on ahead you'll without a doubt activate the traps, meaning when I catch up I'll be safe.''

''Figures…seems like something…you…would…'' Itachi stopped. He turned and ran ass fast he could ahead.

''I got a bad feeling about…'' Pein started to say as he saw the Dog's henges fell down. They were nothing but chakra and paper tags shaped in the form of dogs.

''Oh Fuuu…'' Sasori was enveloped by the mass explosion as the other fell to the ground. They were slightly burned and bruised from the impact. The explosion shook the lair slightly but not enough to cause a cave in.

The others shook themselves and wiped off the dirt. They continued on ahead to the exit. Ten minutes had passed and they couldn't find Itachi. ''I'm beginning to think this is an inside job. I mean first Kakuzu disappears now Itachi. One of them has to be the killer,'' Kisame rambled, obviously becoming paranoid. ''In fact you guys are still alive! ONE OF YOU COULD BE THE KILLER!''

''Hey shark-shit…you're still alive! You could be the fucking killer. Everyone knows you and Deidara never got alone.''

''Ok…point taken…but what about Zetsu? I felt like we were brothers in a way.''

''Well no shit? Both ugly as fuck and cannibals.'''

''Watch it foul-mouth or that head of yours might come off your shoulders.''

''Both of you enough…you two idiots are always fighting. Once we get out of here, alive, then you can continue your little spat. '' Pein said as he opened a door. They made there way into the next room to find the dead body of none other then…

''No way!''

''I can't believe it!''

''So even he died.''

''This is serious.''

It was none other then the body of there Butler Geoffrey. He was covered in blood and wasn't moving. He had several holes in his outfit, consisting with stab marks. In his hand was a heart.

''I recognize that heart…It's Kakuzu's heart…then that means.''

**''He's dead!'' **Said a figure from the darkness. They were a hundred feet away from the door, from freedom. The killer being there last obstacle. **''Great Job…the two of you managed to survive.''**

''Tw…''Hidan started to say as blood dripped from his mouth. He fell forward and gave a horrendous scream as his body blew to pieces. In it's places was some black shelled looking dog creature.

''WHAT THE FUCK MAN! WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU KILLING US!''

**''You always did managed to piss me off Kisame. You were always talking shit…saying things that I didn't find inappropriate. Now I will kill you.''**

''Killer-san do you have any idea who you are fucking with? I am Pein, Leader of Akatsuki and wielder of the Rin'nengan. I have only lost to one person and you sure as hell aren't him.''

The killer began to chuckle. '**'I know you a lot better then you think…Nagato.''** The killer said as Pein's eyes widen.

''How? Only…wait…how you know about our abilities and personalities. How you knew what we were going to do accordingly. It's all so simple now, I should have known from the moment you disappeared.''

''**So you know who I am don't you?''**

''Without a doubt…you could only be….''

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Hey I'm back. Editing the chapters and they'll be right back up soon. I haven't thought of quite what I wanted the next season to be. Probably focuses more on the Konoha Twelve. Until then enjoy my story.


	9. The Killer Is!

The Misadventure's of the Akatsuki

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NarutoxKonanx(Yugito, Sakura, Hinata, Temari, Shion, Sasame, Hana, Tsume, and Isaribi) The Main focus will be Konan though. I will do one-shot lemons though with the other girls of Naruto but they won't play a major focus in the pairing.

ItachixOc Uchiha (Presumably the unnamed Girlfriend from the Manga.)

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First Ending-Naruto and Konan Ending

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Story Start

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''No way!''

''I can't believe it!''

''So even he died.''

''This is serious.''

It was none other then the body of there Butler Geoffrey. He was covered in blood and wasn't moving. He had several holes in his outfit, consisting with stab marks. In his hand was a heart.

''I recognize that heart…It's Kakuzu's heart…then that means.''

**''He's dead!'' **Said a figure from the darkness. They were a hundred feet away from the door, from freedom. The killer being there last obstacle. **''Great Job…the two of you managed to survive.''**

''Tw…''Hidan started to say as blood dripped from his mouth. He fell forward and gave a horrendous scream as his body blew to pieces. In it's places was some black shelled looking dog creature.

''WHAT THE FUCK MAN! WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU KILLING US!''

**''You always did managed to piss me off Kisame. You were always talking shit…saying things that I didn't find inappropriate. Now I will kill you.''**

''Killer-san do you have any idea who you are fucking with? I am Pein, Leader of Akatsuki and wielder of the Rin'nengan. I have only lost to one person and you sure as hell aren't him.''

The killer began to chuckle. '**'I know you a lot better then you think…Nagato.''** The killer said as Pein's eyes widen.

''How? Only…wait…how you know about our abilities and personalities. How you knew what we were going to do accordingly. It's all so simple now, I should have known from the moment you disappeared.''

''**So you know who I am don't you?''**

''Without a doubt…you could only be….''

''Well who is it? Whose the killer?''

**''Kisame I knew I should have killed you first. You always did piss me off.'' **

''You could have gone about this a different way Konan.'' Pein said as the Konan took off the mask.

''What! It was you? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND YOU CRAZY BITCH!''

**''No I couldn't have…I'm sick and tired of this same song and dance. I'm sick and tired of being stuck around you idiots. I'm sick and tired of being immortal. It all had to end…most importantly…YOU ASS-HOLES RUINED MY SEX LIFE!''**

''Now how the fuck did we do that?''

''Kisame I wonder how Itachi puts up with you. It is imperative after some much thought I realize that we have pussy-blocked our fellow member on several occasions.''

''Wait! What the hell is pussy blocked?''

''Basically cock-blocking but pussy blocking is when you prevent a female from getting some dick.''

''Ooh.''

''Yes…several times we have offered Naruto a fake antidote after the Disney Land Fiasco. Only to have him run off with Konan and find out it wasn't working.''

**''Yes…oh you bastards had to pay.''**

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Flash Back-First Incident

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Konan was tossed on the bed as Naruto slit open her robe with a kunai. It was so arousing to be taken so force able by her new lover. He kissed and caressed every inch of her chest. His hands had trailed down to her blue lace panties and massaged her entrance through the material. She moaned in ecstasy as he got her all hot and bothered. The next thing she knew he jumped up and started cursing and hissing in pain.

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Second Incident

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She was taking a nice warm bubble bath when she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her. ''Well hey there Handsome…come to wash my back?'' She asked seductively as she took ahold of his tool.

''Oh you know it my goddess. I got the cure and I'm ready to show you why I'm the god of stamina.''

''Are you sure you got the right one?''

''Oh I'm sure,'' He groaned as he started to get aroused.

''In that case let meaah,'' Konan hissed as she jerked back her hand from the heat.

''Fuach.'' Naruto cried out in pain. It wasn't the cure.

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**''There was the Movie Theater…The Parking Lot…The Tree.'' **

''Tree?''

**''Shut the fuck up Kisame! On second thought keep talking…you'll be dead in a matter of seconds anyway.'' **

''What the hell are you..'' Kisame was tackled to the ground as the alien looking creature.

''As always you are a fool Kisame!" Konan said as there eyes nearly popped out of there heads. Konan sounded like Itachi. ''Surprised? Let's just say I learned a few interesting things about my Kekki Gekkai. You see it all started two weeks ago. I had arrived back early and heard about you guys driving me lover bat shit insane. He had finally gotten the cure only to find out you sent me on a mission. Imagine my surprise and anger that he didn't get the cure until after I left. I decided I didn't want nor need to deal with these damn antics any longer. So I formulated the plan. Itachi of course had to be the first to go. Using my jewel I possessed his body and took care of the other major threat.''

''Tobi,''-Pein.

''Exactly…couldn't have that insane mortal with the brain the size of a peanut running around. After that I froze Itachi's body in ice and sent him to his number one fan girl's house.'''

''You Bitch!'' Kisame whispered in horror.

'' Oh yes…and loving it…so I went to work…As Itachi I did all the research I needed. A poison that could kill Zetsu, which I learned from his log.''

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Flash back

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''Has anyone seen my log? **I'll fuck eat you.'' **

''Go away Zetsu,un…can't you see I'm busy.'

''Damnit Deidara don't get any of your crappy clay on the table where we eat.''

''Go fuck yourself Kisame.''

''If any of you see my writing book, my log. **Return it or die.''**

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Flash Back End

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''Of course there was also all the times I initiated a game of Clowin. You idiots were so into it that you didn't notice me slip away. Day after day I schemed until today was the result that paid off. ''Now it's time I finish this…Spot…Kill.'' Spot 6 sunk it's fangs into Kisame's neck. With one Jerk his head was ripped clean off.

''That was very good Spot. Mommy is giving you a special treat tonight.''

''That fucked up creature's name is spot? You have clearly lost it Konan. I'm sorry about this but I have to kill you now.'' Pein said as he attempted to summon his other bodies.

''You're wasting your time Pein. I wasn't sitting around playing with my…ok you know what never mind. I disabled your bodies under the guise of Itachi. After all it's not like you were using them.''

''So that's it…you're going to kill me now?''

''Nah…I'll think I'll let you live…living, knowing you failed the organization is a suitable punishment. ''

''Really? Well I'm ok with that.''

''Nah I'm just fucking with you of course. I'm a bomb tag note collaboration assigned to self destruct in ten seconds. Nice knowing you muther fucker.''

''Fuck my life.''

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2 hours later

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Naruto came back to find the Akatsuki base destroyed. He searched for two hours for a way inside. Not to see if the members were alive but if he could retrieved his stuff. The explosion could have destroyed over countless decades of porn gathered by Jirayia and given to him. After all it was in Jirayia's will that he inherited everything.

''Hey there stud! Missed me!'' He heard as he turned around and saw Konan.

''Konan-chan…what happened?''

''Gas leak…they all blew up…oh well…now time for you to go to work.''

''Oh hell no…I'm not rebuilding that place.''

''I was talking about me.'' She said as she let her robe drop, revealing her naked figure.

Naruto was so happy he started crying.

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Alternative Ending 2- Itachi Ending

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''No way!''

''I can't believe it!''

''So even he died.''

''This is serious.''

It was none other then the body of there Butler Geoffrey. He was covered in blood and wasn't moving. He had several holes in his outfit, consisting with stab marks. In his hand was a heart.

''I recognize that heart…It's Kakuzu's heart…then that means.''

**''He's dead!'' **Said a figure from the darkness. They were a hundred feet away from the door, from freedom. The killer being there last obstacle. **''Great Job…the two of you managed to survive.''**

''Tw…''Hidan started to say as blood dripped from his mouth. He fell forward and gave a horrendous scream as his body blew to pieces. In it's places was some black shelled looking dog creature.

''WHAT THE FUCK MAN! WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU KILLING US!''

**''You always did managed to piss me off Kisame. You were always talking shit…saying things that I didn't find inappropriate. Now I will kill you.''**

''Killer-san do you have any idea who you are fucking with? I am Pein, Leader of Akatsuki and wielder of the Rin'nengan. I have only lost to one person and you sure as hell aren't him.''

The killer began to chuckle. '**'I know you a lot better then you think…Nagato.''** The killer said as Pein's eyes widen.

''How? Only…wait…how you know about our abilities and personalities. How you knew what we were going to do accordingly. It's all so simple now, I should have known from the moment you disappeared.''

''**So you know who I am don't you?''**

''Without a doubt…you could only be….''

''Well who is it? Whose the killer?''

**''Kisame I knew I should have killed you first. You always did piss me off.'' **

''Itachi but why go through all this trouble?''

''Itachi! No fucking way….but why?''

''It's all very simple… This organization; the whole purpose of what we are now has become nothing more but idiotic drabble. Day in and day out is nonsense with misfortune followed by Mayhem. Most importantly…you bastards took my dream away from me.''

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Couple of months ago

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''Bill…Bill…Bill.'' Paper after paper was being launched into the fire. Kakuzu…being the cheap ass that he wasn't didn't pay the heating bill so they had to make a fire and was burning any scrap of paper they could find.

''Has anyone seen my tickets to pocky land? They were…'' It was to Itachi's horror that he saw Kisame throw in a stack of papers. Where he hid his Pocky papers in. ''!'' Runs off.

''The hell wrong with him?'' Deidara asked as Kisame shrugged.

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Flashback end

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''Wait…so you killed everyone…Our butler and all the other members just because of some tickers?''

''They weren't just some tickets…They were V.I.P. deluxe Pocky Land tickets. Free pass to the factory and a life time's worth of Pocky. You bastards took that away from me.''

''Well technically it was Kakuzu and Kisame…I didn't have anything to do with it? What? Don't look at me like that Kisame I had nothing to do with it…but still…Itachi…to kill 9…''

''Actually 7…Naruto and Konan are um…indisposed. I couldn't kill the only surviving writer of the Icha Icha Series. Now it's time for you two to die.''

''Itachi you…''

''I paid Konan 5,000 Ryou to disable your bodies. ''

''Wouldn't kill me I mean come on…after all I done for you?''-Kisame

''You mean all the times you stole my book? And used up the hot water? And bought all that crap on my credit card?''

''Well can you just kill him and let me live. I know a guy and the black market who we can sell the remaining body pieces so we can buy you new tickets.''

''Mmhmm…deal.''

''So um…you're not going to kill us right?''

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Time Skip=24 hours later

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''Has the jury reached a verdict?''

''We have your honor….on the sole counts of 'eight' counts of murder. We find one Itachi Uchiha innocent of all charges.''

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Outside the court room

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''Hey Itachi what ever happened to Kisame's body?''-Naruto.

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Memory Flash

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''Hey Itachi I didn't know you knew how to grill Fish.

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Memory flash end

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''You are better off not knowing Naruto.''

''Riiiight….so who wants go to a strip club?'' He asked as Pein and Itachi cheered. As for Konan, she passed out in the back of car in a bliss induced Coma. It was safe to say that it was a great day for the surviving Akatsuki members.

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Alternate Ending 3- My Way Ending

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Story Start

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''No way!''

''I can't believe it!''

''So even he died.''

''This is serious.''

It was none other then the body of there Butler Geoffrey. He was covered in blood and wasn't moving. He had several holes in his outfit, consisting with stab marks. In his hand was a heart.

''I recognize that heart…It's Kakuzu's heart…then that means.''

**''He's dead!'' **Said a figure from the darkness. They were a hundred feet away from the door, from freedom. The killer being there last obstacle. **''Great Job…the two of you managed to survive.''**

''Tw…''Hidan started to say as blood dripped from his mouth. He fell forward and gave a horrendous scream as his body blew to pieces. In it's places was some black shelled looking dog creature.

''WHAT THE FUCK MAN! WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU KILLING US!''

**''You always did managed to piss me off Kisame. You were always talking shit…saying things that I didn't find inappropriate. Now I will kill you.''**

''Killer-san do you have any idea who you are fucking with? I am Pein, Leader of Akatsuki and wielder of the Rin'nengan. I have only lost to one person and you sure as hell aren't him.''

The killer began to chuckle. '**'I know you a lot better then you think…Nagato.''** The killer said as Pein's eyes widen.

''How? Only…wait…how you know about our abilities and personalities. How you knew what we were going to do accordingly. It's all so simple now, I should have known from the moment you disappeared.''

''**So you know who I am don't you?''**

''Without a doubt…you could only be….''

''Well who is it? Whose the killer?''

**''Kisame I knew I should have killed you first. You always did piss me off.'' **

''You could have gone about this a different way...Juggernaut.''

''The killer...wait who...''

''Oooh it's the Juggernaut Bitch!...Oh shit that's the shark from deep blue sea,'' Picks up a book case and hurls it.

''Cryaaak!"'

''That's for eating Samuel L. Jackson you muthafucka!''

Pein looks at Kisame's unconscious body.

''Juggy...what the hell...I thought Charles had you locked up.''

''Mutha Fucka I'm the god damn Juggernaut! Police can't fuck with the juggernaut!''

''You know what...should have never agreed to guard your prison transport for money. Shinra Tenshi!'' The powerful blast didn't budge the Juggernaut a bit.''Oh shit!''

''Silly fucker, yo powers can not harm me, don't you know who I am I'm the Juggernaut Bitch!'' Picks up desk and throws it at Peins who ducks.

''Too fast.''

''You better run...ya pussy''

''You destroyed my base, kill my members, and now you insult me! I will not tolerate this anymore. You're going on a one way trip back to juggrasic park.''

''Man foo I'm going to tell you just like I told Charles...you know damn well the last time i went to juggrasic park to get the hair cut by a velociraptor. I left with a tatoo on my nuts, a prince albert,and i had some graphic on my ass hairs and a new tatoo on my chest that say long dick willy.''

''Damnit!'' Hits a switch on the wall as secret compartment opened. Pein aims rocket after rocket at Juggernaut using Fire Jutsu to light it.

''Still shooting firecrackers at a mutha fucka ain't this a bitch!''

''You know what...I thought you were sentenced to the chair.''

''Man my lawyer got me off, six months on house- arrest, speaking of which. I just got off house arest and just fucked She-hulk, fucked around and caught athlete's foot but its cool cuz I fucked in the ear and gave her hearing aids CAUSE I'M THE JUGGERNAUT BEITCH!''

''Men what the hell is wrong with you Juggernaut.''

''You already know that Ow-we got my fucked up, wanna transport and fuck some huckers...Huuyaaaah!'' Charges forward, Pein jumps out of the way as the Juggernaut crashes through the wall.

''Hey Pein were...what the hell! What did you idiots do!'' Konan was pissed. She cleaned up the whole base before she left because none of those messy and inconsiderate bastards would. Well except Pein, he had a seventh secret body that was basically maid, which is why it was a secret body for male pride reasons and all. Oh and Itachi, though he usually threatened one of the other members with Tsukiyomi or Amatreasu so yeah...

''Oh it's the Juggernaut! Bout to have a rape party up in this bitch!"' Was heard in the background.

''Damnit! Juggy's here! '' Naruto took out a Hirashin Kunai. ''Itachi's outside. Were just going to have to ask him to burn this place down.''

0

some time later

0

The base was burned down and the body of the Akatsuki members were lost. The surviving Akatsuki members which included Tobi moved to an hotel resort island. It was for the best they all decided. Though a week later Naruto and Konan slipped away from the others for obvious reasons and were never seen again. Until 2 decade later when a bunch of hyperactive kids with whiskers were seen running around.


	10. The True Ending! 4 Real!

he Misadventure's of the Akatsuki

0

NarutoxKonanx(Yugito, Sakura, Hinata, Temari, Shion, Sasame, Hana, Tsume, and Isaribi) The Main focus will be Konan though. I will do one-shot lemons though with the other girls of Naruto but they won't play a major focus in the pairing.

ItachixOc Uchiha (Presumably the unnamed Girlfriend from the Manga.)

0

Story Start

0

''No way!''

''I can't believe it!''

''So even he died.''

''This is serious.''

It was none other then the body of there Butler Geoffrey. He was covered in blood and wasn't moving. He had several holes in his outfit, consisting with stab marks. In his hand was a heart.

''I recognize that heart…It's Kakuzu's heart…then that means.''

**''He's dead!'' **Said a figure from the darkness. They were a hundred feet away from the door, from freedom. The killer being there last obstacle. **''Great Job…the two of you managed to survive.''**

''Tw…''Hidan started to say as blood dripped from his mouth. He fell forward and gave a horrendous scream as his body blew to pieces. In it's places was some black shelled looking dog creature.

''WHAT THE FUCK MAN! WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU KILLING US!''

**''You always did managed to piss me off Kisame. You were always talking shit…saying things that I didn't find inappropriate. Now I will kill you.''**

''Killer-san do you have any idea who you are fucking with? I am Pein, Leader of Akatsuki and wielder of the Rin'nengan. I have only lost to one person and you sure as hell aren't him.''

The killer began to chuckle. '**'I know you a lot better then you think…Nagato.''** The killer said as Pein's eyes widen.

''How? Only…wait…how you know about our abilities and personalities. How you knew what we were going to do accordingly. It's all so simple now, I should have known from the moment you disappeared.''

''**So you know who I am don't you?''**

''Without a doubt…you could only be….''

''Well who is it? Whose the killer?''

**''Kisame I knew I should have killed you first. You always did piss me off.'' **

''You could have gone about this a different way...you two.''

Just then another black cloaked figure appeared behind them. ''I'm afraid not Pein,'' The person in front of them took off the cloak to reveal Konan.

''Ko-hime is right...enough is enough,'' behind them was Naruto.

''But why...the two of you killed the other members for what reason?''

''Lack of sex breeds insanity...I'm a fucking Jinchuuriki...I have needs...''

''Also I have needs to damnit! Using this damn jewel made me develop a fucking Libido of a rabbit.''

''That explains why you kept using that damn vibrator of yours into all ours of the night.'' Kisame was met with two paper shurkens to the eyes. ''My eyes...my fucking eyes I'm blind.''

''You'll be something else to if you don't shut the fuck up.''

''So you are the ones who killed all the others.''

''Yeah...well except Itachi. We bribed him with tickers to pockey land. After all the shit you bastards done to us, is it no wonder?''

0

Flash Back-First Incident

0

Konan was tossed on the bed as Naruto slit open her robe with a kunai. It was so arousing to be taken so force able by her new lover. He kissed and caressed every inch of her chest. His hands had trailed down to her blue lace panties and massaged her entrance through the material. She moaned in ecstasy as he got her all hot and bothered. The next thing she knew he jumped up and started cursing and hissing in pain.

0

Second Incident

0

She was taking a nice warm bubble bath when she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her. ''Well hey there Handsome…come to wash my back?'' She asked seductively as she took ahold of his tool.

''Oh you know it my goddess. I got the cure and I'm ready to show you why I'm the god of stamina.''

''Are you sure you got the right one?''

''Oh I'm sure,'' He groaned as he started to get aroused.

''In that case let meaah,'' Konan hissed as she jerked back her hand from the heat.

''Fuach.'' Naruto cried out in pain. It wasn't the cure.

0

''There was the Movie Theather…The Parking Lot…The Tree.''

''Tree?''

''Shut the fuck up Kisame! On second thought keep talking…you'll be dead in a matter of seconds anyway.''

''But Itachi would never...''  
''Thank you for giving us that set-up... we had help.'' Itachi stands out.  
''This organization has ruined my happiness for the last time.

0

Couple of months ago

0

''Bill…Bill…Bill.'' Paper after paper was being launched into the fire. Kakuzu…being the cheap ass that he wasn't didn't pay the heating bill so they had to make a fire and was burning any scrap of paper they could find.

''Has anyone seen my tickets to pocky land? They were…'' It was to Itachi's horror that he saw Kisame throw in a stack of papers. Where he hid his Pocky papers in. ''!'' Runs off.

''The hell wrong with him?'' Deidara asked as Kisame shrugged.

0

Flashback end

0

''Wait…so you killed everyone…Our butler and all the other members just because of some tickers?''

''They weren't just some tickets…They were V.I.P. deluxe Pocky Land tickets. Free pass to the factory and a life time's worth of Pocky. You bastards took that away from me.''

''Well technically it was Kakuzu and Kisame…I didn't have anything to do with it? What? Don't look at me like that Kisame I had nothing to do with it…but still…Itachi…to kill 9…''

''Actually 7…Naruto and Konan are um…indisposed. I couldn't kill the only surviving writer of the Icha Icha Series. Now it's time for you two to die.''

''Itachi you…''

''I paid Konan 5,000 Ryou to disable your bodies. ''

''Wouldn't kill me I mean come on…after all I done for you?''-Kisame

''You mean all the times you stole my book? And used up the hot water? And bought all that crap on my credit card?''

''Well can you just kill him and let me live. I know a guy and the black market who we can sell the remaining body pieces so we can buy you new tickets.''-Pein

''Mmhmm…deal.''

At the end of the day the remaining Akatsuki members went to I-hop. Then they went to the air-port to see Tobi off as he was going to visit his mother. Apparently various forms of immortality existed in Tobi's family. For his mother it was the power of resurrection. Kisame, along with the other members body were donated to science. Naruto and Konan decided to get married, with Itachi as their best man.

The Uchiha then went on to start his own Pockey company. While Pein using his six bodies became a bodyguard who made six times the normal salary for obvious reasons. It was sage to say that things were finally looking up.  
00  
Arc end  
00  
Ok people there is the true ending. Next time we'll have more things...also go to Naruto wiki and go to Konan's bio. The next chapter will have her wearing the none akatsuki outfit you will see on that page...can we all say...Dayuuum! And with that e come to the Bonus Episode

0

Bonus

0

**'**'Where's the Joker?'' Someone dressed up as Batman asked the tied up Naruto.

''I DWHT KEID A gohdumn thung''

''What?''

He repeats it through the mask he's wearing.

''Give me that!'' He said yanking off the fox mask.

''I said I don't know a god damn thing.''

''You know something...you were at the scene of the crime.''

''Yeah unconscious and drugged. I don't know how the fuck I got there but I know what he does to people.''

''I'll protect you...''

''Protect me...mutha fucka you kidnapped me. If it wasn't for a fact that I know for a fact Tobi was arrested for indecent exposure meaning you couldn't possibly be him I'd be trying to whoop your ass right now.''

''Look I need information on the Joker.''

''Look man even if I did know something I ain't telling you a god damn thing. I saw the way the fool cut himself from cheek to cheek. Healing factor or not be damned.''

''I'll protect you...''

''How by keeping me in a wet cave.''

''He won't find you here.''

''Damn right...I'm not staying here...Konan ordered a Yourichi from Bleach cos play outfit and I for; sure as hell don't plan on being stuck in this cave when I could be doing some freaky shit with my lover.''

''Look if you don't tell me what you know...''

''You'll what beat the shit out of me...look Batman I'm a shinobi I can handle getting my ass whopped I can't

handle being dead.''

''I'm warning you.''

''You know what warn me, write it down, take a picture, I don't give a fuck.''

''I'm giving you one last chance.''

''Kiss my ass bat-man.''

''Tell me.''

''Kiss..''

'''Where''

''My.''

''Is.''

''Ass...kiss my ass Batman.''

''Tall ma vaz dazam.''

''What the fuck!'' Naruto shouted as his eyes widened.

''Tall ma vaz dazam.''

''Ok man you got problems.''

''I got a lot of problems and your one of them. Where is he.''

''Ok batman calm down I'll tell you everything I know.''

''RACHEL!''

''Rachel! What the hell man calm down it's just me and you.''

''Who is that? Who are you! Where am I! I'm sorry!''

''Someone help me this fool is crazy!''


	11. The New Season:Sasori Quits Part 1

The Misadventures of the Akatsuki

0

Some more NarutoxKonan

0

Might become a full blown out series with TCKANA elements. No not part of the series just elements from it.

0

Misadventures- A fanfiction portraying the Akatsuki in a humorous and crack fic like manner. The Akatsuki are the following.

Deidara- The Bishounen foul mouth, art obsessed member. Like all the members he has a strong like for Alcohol and recently weed. (See chapter 1.) Often made fun of the other characters by his style of speech and looks he's known to often be involved in complicated schemes, usually the guy who blows shit up.

Sasori- One of the quieter and less insane members of the troupe. Been known to have a thing for blondes. From time to time he breaks his silence by either offering words of wisdom or making a completely random Suggestion.

Zetsu-The quietest and most mysterious of the Akatsuki. Goes along with anyone and is neutral. From time to time tries to eat the other members or there pets. (Stay tune for future chapters.)

Hidan-The foul mouthed immortal of the group. Known to be very religious and violent. Loves crack and is a Kleptomaniac. Known to cause children to cry and cause adults to commit suicide.

Kakuzu- The greediest member of Akatsuki. Normally serves as a counter balance to more of the insane behavior of the members. The Ironic thing about this guy is that his immortality is based off having a maximum of five hearts, yet most of his deaths are heart attack related.

Itachi-The Closet Pervert of the Akatsuki. Has been known to kill anyone who messes with his stash. Also tends to Tsukiyomi people a lot, specifically Kisame. Also one of the more insane members, though his bouts are more concentrated and deadly then spread out like the others.

Kisame- An Open pervert and cannibal. Kisame loves committing mass murder and weed. If there is anything involving drugs then he's most likely involved.

Tobi-The most cheerful and naive of the Akatsuki. Often the Catalyst for Mayhem and other plots that often result in one or more of the members being killed. The running joke is that Tobi is immortal as he usually miraculously survives or disappears.

Konan- The most intelligent of the Akatsuki members and by far sane. Though she has her quirks being a bit of a Nympho and Cosplayer. The Voice of Reason of the group not to mention the one who usually solves the problems. Also know to have a one of a kind jewel that lets her possess the body of others and allows them to feel what she feels.

Pein/Nagato- The leader of the group who is a lightweight when it comes to any type of abuse able substance. Often either Unconscious or somewhere else when things happen. When he is there he is usually panicking like the others. The only person who can keep control of him is Konan

Naruto-Temporary? The new guy and former target of the Akatsuki. Known as quite the playboy and worshipped by Kisame and Itachi. Is in need of a seal to suppress Kyuubi whose interfering with Naruto's ability to have some fun.

The Akatsuki-Despite their differences they have many things in common. One is they are often dying in embarrassing or unbelievable ways, only to be brought back to life later like nothing happened.

Also they all from time to time abuse substances like Alcohol or Beer. Above all else they have a treasured item that they would kill anyone over.

They also have a game call 'Clowin' when they start doing Yo Mama Jokes for extreme hilarity.

All and all…it's these traits and more that contribute to there Misadventures.

0

Story Start

0

''Get away from Samheda you little bastard,'' Kisame screamed and ran away like a little girl. It all started as another ordinary day in the life of the Akatsuki. Two weeks had passed since the whole most of them being murdered thing. But that didn't mean being killed would be enough to temper out the Akatsuki members.

''I'm getting back my money fuck face and that's the most valuable thing you have,'' Naruto shouted chasing after him. Naruto had built a brand new jet air plane out of paper clips, rocks, old car parts, uranium, and a donkey. No one asked how or even why, but just accepted it.  
''It's too early in the morning for this shit, yeah,'' Deidara said as he went through the cabinet.

Naruto suddenly stopped as Kisame ran out the kitchen. ''I'll get him in his sleep,'' He then front flip onto the counter and opened one of the pantries. ''What the fu...''

At this opportune moment Pein decided to enter the Kitchen. He was so engrossed in his Icha Icha Paradise book he didn't see Naruto come flying towards. Naruto promptly spun in mid air and kicked the distracted man into one of the walls. ''YOU ATE THE LAST MUTHA FUCKIN TWINKIE!'' Was his battle cry.

''What...the...fuck,'' Pein said as he came too a few seconds later. ''Have you lost your mind Namikaze? You got a fucking problem or something''  
''Mutha fucka you damn right. You keep all the twinkies and shit, and you ate the fucking Crunch Berries and shit too, man I'm hungrier then a mutha fucka.''

''Then make something you little fuck. Don't just randomly attack people.''

''Great...pissing contest already,'' Konan mumbled as she entered the room in her latest cosplay outfit yet. Today's outfit was Ryoko complete with tail and all.

''More or less, yeah. Hey Konan can you make me some pancakes?''

''You got arms.''

''Damn pissy because you still haven't got any dick yet?''

Spliiiyaaaaaaaaak.

''AAAaaaaaaaah...'' Fatality!

''How the hell do you kill someone with paper to the shins? That makes no damn sense?''

''Pein...you gather the others and you make sure they do not disturb me or Naruto. The consequences for this failure will be more then you can handle. Naruto...come!''

Both men did as they were told as Konan had that scary look in her eyes.  
0  
Else where  
0

Itachi was drinking some coffee and reading the newspaper. He was trying to come up with his scheudle for today.

1. Play mind Games on Sasuke  
2. Get some pussy  
3. Buy some pocky  
4. Eat pocky  
5. Fuck with Sasuke  
6. Bang Yugao  
7. Kill Kisame (Move to number one if possible.)  
Though before he left the Cafe he felt a sense of foreboding. ''That will be seven dollars and seventy nine cents sir. '' Right, he'll pay his bill then worry about the sense of foreboding later.

After another week of insanity things began to calm down. It was another ordinary day in the lives of the Akatsuki. All of them with the exception of Naruto, Konan, and Itachi were in the kitchen. Naruto was being held hostage by a frustrated Konan who needed to release her urges and Itachi...no one knew where he was. Today the others were all gathered at the Kitchen table as it was Tobi's turn to make breakfast. The breakfast was known other then Tobi's homemade special pancakes.

Kisame got up to get some Milk when Konan strode in. She was wearing nothing but an oversize T-shirt that strained against her sizable breasts. 'Hello Kisame,'' She said cheerful causing the latter to froze. The horror that came with Konan's smile was something he wasn't a stranger too. After taking three trays of ice cubes, some whip-cream, some chocolate syrup, strawberries, and peanut butter she strode out of the kitchen.

Kisame ran over the table and hid behind Sasori. ''Guys...I'm scared,'' He whispered.

''Damnit Kisame we went over this...''

''No it's Konan...she smiled at me.'' The room had went deadly quiet.

Sasori then attempted to pierce Kisame with his tail causing the latter to jump away. ''Hey what the fuck man!''

''Whatever the hell you did you stay away from me!''

0

A previous Kisame

0

''Hey there Kisame!'' Konan greeted him cheerfully.

''Uugh...Hello Konan...what are you doing with that bat?''

''N-o-othing,'' She turn partially only to spin and cracked Kisame across the skull sending him crashing into a table full of Tobi's homemade snow globes. ''Teach you to steal my panties.'' She looked at the destroyed table realizing her mistake. ''Uh-oh.''

Just then Sasori walked in.

''Could you hold this for me?'' She asked handing him the bloody bat.

''Uum sure?'' He said in confusion as she strode out the room. Konan was the most sane of the bunch so she must have had good reason.

''Tobi is going to get his snow globes an...'' He stopped seeing the damage. He looked at the snow globes, then Kisame, then Sasori, back to his snow globes, then Kisame's bloody head and Sasori holding the Bat. ''Tobi...is a very _baaaaaaaaaaad_ boy.''

The others were in the Kitchen when the next thing they knew they saw a screaming and on fire Sasori run by and leap out the window.

''What the fuck?'' Deidara cried out.

0

Current Moment

0

''I didn't do anything! I swear she's been fucking Naruto the past 24 hours anyway,'' Kisame said in his defense.

''Sasori-sempai would you like some?'' Tobi said handing him a stick of pocky.

''Why thank you Tobi...at least some people are considerate.'' Now when Tobi ran out of the room flags should have went up in his head.

''The hell with this!'' Kisame went to the door. He turned around to address the other members. ''I'm going to my room before that crazy bitch gets back with...'' The kitchen door was kicked off it's henges and collided with Kisame.

''HEY WHAT THE FUCK!" He shouted as he collided with the floor.

Itachi was pissed. He looked around and sniffed when he sat his sights on Sasori, more specifically the pocky in his hand.

''Fuck my life!'' Sasori whispered. The next thing he knew he was sent flying through one of the windows. Landing on the ground, smoke radiating from his burnt form.

Sasori had enough...he deciding he was quitting Akatsuki once and for all. They were nothing more then a bunch of crazed ass-holes that kept getting him maimed or killed. As Sasori shook off the last of Itachi's flame Jutsu he sensed a familiar presence.

**''Sasori of the red sands...how would you like revenge?''  
**

Sasori looked into the shadows. ''You! What the fuck do you want?''

**''To cause the Akatsuki to pay of course. Those bastard destroyed the shipment of pron and alcohol I get from Iwa and Kumo for half-price. How would you like to help me?''**

''I would like nothing better...though Tobi is mine.''

''You made a wise decision,'' The person said stepping out of the shadows.

''You better not be fucking around...''

0

Akatsuki headquarters

0

Konan walked into the kitchen dressed like Fina from Skies of Arcadia. She took three more trays of ice cube out of the Freezer and promplty left.

''Some guys get all the luck,'' Kisame murmured.

''Let's just go get some prostitutes...**We can rape them in the ass make them shoot it out their mouths.''**

''That was disturbing Zetsu...I say we just rob them.'' Kakuzu said.

''Fuck that! Jashin demands a sacrifice!''

''I am sensing something...something dark is in the works...'' Pein rose from his chair. ''Whatever this is...I know for a fact...at least one of you will die. Most likely Kisame.''

''Oh man what the fuck!''

''Now if you excuse me...I have to go film Naruto and Konan having sex so I can post it on face book.''

''Spacebook got video log now?''

'Yeah...see Kisame-sempai?'' Tobi said showing his screens. In one of the screens was Tobi's face book and the other was myspace. He had over two million friends in both of them, most of them sexy young girls from ages 18 to 27.

''Oh that is bullshit!"

''Come my apprentice!'' Itachi said putting his arm of Tobi's arm. ''Between you and I we shall get all the bitches in the kingdom.''

''Whose been letting Itachi watch Chad Vader again?''


	12. Bonus Chapter

The Misadventures of the Akatsuki

00

A bonus chapter. Not part of the plot or anything it just popped into my head.

0

Minor NarutoxHinata  
MadaraxTank  
0  
Story Start  
0  
Madara reached out to the tank. ''Tank...'' He said as was dying. Madara had so many fun memories of the tank.

Naruto clutched onto Hinata whose head was resting on his shoulder. Many lives were lost, but it was finally over. Sasuke was dead, Akatsuki and the Bijuu defeated, and now Madara was dying.

The tank was a smiling pile of destroyed and scattered parts. The other survivors were also gathered around as they watch the last of the Uchiha die. Sai was the first to reminiscence about the past few years events.

Sai and Kakashi were running through the forest. ''We have to hurry Kakashi-sempai. Sakura doesn't know about the Tank.'' Sai said as his second secret ink clone saw the outcome of the battles.

_''Tank...forgive me Tank.'' _Madara thought as he started to flashback.

_''_Hey Sasuke let's go for a drive on the Tank,'' The masked Uchiha said as his head popped out from the hatch.

''Hnn!"' Sasuke responded.

''Itachi would go on a drive with the tank.'' Madara added as Sasuke's eyes widened.''

''Niiii-saaaaaaaaan...'' The crazy little Uchiha cried out. ''Ok let's do it.''

_''Why Tank? Why did it have to end this way?''_

''Damn you Uzumaki Naruto,'' Said Madara as his cohort and sacrifice fell to the ground dead. ''I may no longer have Sasuke, but I have another secret weapon...''

''You're bluffing Uchiha Madara.'' Said Naruto as he assumed the controlled Jinchuuriki state.

''I have a power that can't be equal.'' He snapped a figure as an influx of chakra erupted fromt he ground. Down from the sky dropped a mass of steel. With Sharingan eyes placed on it somehow?

''What in the hell?''

''Feast your eyes on your doom. The Tank!''

''The what?''

''Damnit how do we stop this thing!'' Naruto demanded as he picked up an unconscious Hinata. One of the shells of the Tank exploding and sent the Kunoichi crashing to the ground. Even the fierce some strength of Jutsu and Super Strength could only dent the war machine.

''Mwahahaha! Nothing can stop the power of the Tank!''

''Anti-tank weapon fire!'' Shouted a voice.

''Wait wha...'' Madara started to say as the tank exploded.

''That will be 250,000 Yen,'' A man dressed like a western military General said handing over Naruto a bill. Said a western solider.

_Could this all have been avoided?_

A young Madara Uchiha came across a temple. He transverse through it until he came across it for the first time. It was partially buried among the rubble. He found a scroll and read it.

_The tank, an armored fighting vehicle designed for front-line cobat. Combining operational mobility, tactical offensive, and defensive capabilities the Tank is a force to be recoken with.  
Firepower is normally provided by a large-caliber main gun in a rotating turret and secondary machine guns, while heavy armor and all-terrain mobility provide protection for the tank and its crew, allowing it to perform all primary tasks of the armored troops on the battlefield. This tank is the FV4034 Challenger 2. _

''I'm going to call you the Tank. Shit's about to get real.''

And with that the last of Uchiha Madara's memories faded.

_Alas I am slain...bleh! _With that Uchiha Madara was dead.

''Naruto-kun...is it over?''

''It is Hinata-chan. It is. Let's go launch his body out of the catapult.'' With that everyone cheered.  
-

''...And that's how Madara died.'' Naruto explained to the other Akatsuki members. It was a Saturday night and each of them was explaining their greatest kills. ''Any questions? Any statements.''

''Just one...Tobi calls bullshit!'' He got up and left. Through the corridors the following night the wail of 'Taaaaaank!' Kept the others up all night and well into the morning.


	13. Sasori Quits Part 2

The Misadventures of the Akatsuki

0

Some more NarutoxKonan

0

Story Start

0

''Has anyone seen Zetsu?'' Deidara asked as Hidan looked at him like he was crazy.

''He's right here fuck-head...Sasori isn't the one whose here.''

''Oh yeah...who wants to smoke some weed?''

0  
Living Room  
0  
Everyone was in the living room high as hell. Then all of a sudden Kisame,Deidara, and Naruto got on stage wearing goggles. Kisame started singing with Deidara and Naruto as backup.

(Because I got High-Afroman)

_It's Like, I don't care about nothin man,  
roll another blunt, Yea (ohh ohh ohh),_

_La da da da da da La, Da Daaa,  
La da da da, La da da da, La da da daaa_

_I was gonna clean my room until I got high  
I was gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high  
my room is still messed up and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,  
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]_

The others started to sing along.

_(La da da da da da da da da)_

_I was gonna go to class before I got high  
I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I got high  
(La da da da da da da da da)  
I am taking it next semester and I know why, (why man?) yea heyy,  
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]_

Tobi started break dancing.

_(La da da da da da da da da)_

_I was gonna go to work but then I got high  
I just got a new promotion but I got high  
now I'm selling dope and I know why (why man?) yea heayy,  
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]_

Zetsu started eating all the muther fucking twinkies.

_(La da da da da da da da da)_

_I was gonna go to court before I got high  
I was gonna pay my child support but then I got high  
they took my whole paycheck and I know why (why man?) yea heayy,  
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]_

Hidan started to do the wave.  
_  
(La da da da da da da da da)_

_I wasn't gonna run from the cops but I was high  
I was gonna pull right over and stop but I was high  
(La da da da da da da da da)  
Now I am a paraplegic and i know why (why man?) yea heayy,  
- because I got high [repeat 3X]_

Kakuzu started river dancing.  
_  
(La da da da da da da da da)_

_I was gonna pay my car note until I got high  
I wasn't gonna gamble on the boat but then I got high  
now the tow truck is pulling away and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,  
- because I got high [repeat 3X]_

Itachi pulled out a crack pipe and lit it.

_(La da da da da da da da da)_

_I was gonna make love to you but then I got high  
I was gonna eat yo pussy too but then I got high  
now I'm jacking off and I know why, yea heyy,  
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]_

Pein got up shook his head and started leaving until Itachi tripped him.

_(La da da da da da da da da)_

_I messed up my entire life because I got high  
I lost my kids and wife because I got high  
now I'm sleeping on the sidewalk and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,  
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]_

_(La da da da da da da da da)_

_I'm gonna stop singing this song because I'm high  
I'm singing this whole thing wrong because I'm high  
and if I don't sell one copy I know why (why man?) yea heyy,  
- cause I'm high [repeat 3X]_

_La da da da da da, La da da da, Shoop shooby doo wop._

_Get jiggy wit it, skibbidy bee bop diddy do wahhh_

_- cause I'm high [repeat 3X]_

_(hey where the cluck at cuz) [clucks]_

_Well my name is afroman and I'm from east pomdale (east-pom-dale)  
and all the tolweed I be smokin is bomb as helllllll (excellent delivery)  
I don't believe in Hitler, that's what I said (oh my goodness)  
so all of you skins (skins) please give me more head_.

00  
That Night  
000

''I feel as if we're missing something,'' Naruto said as he raked in another stack of chips and everyone got a new hand.

''This is bullshit! You're cheating!'' Kisame accused.

''Hey Itachi...want to know what happened to your vanilla flavored pocky?''

Itachi pulled out a gun and shot Kisame who fell over.

''Damn...actually I was going to say Deidara took it...''

''Wait...wha...''

Bang!

Deidara shot backwards from the gun shot as his cards hit the table. Three aces...

Itachi walked in and looked at Itachi. ''Damnit...this shit isn't out of my system yet.'' He said leaving the room.

The other Itachi turned into a puff of smoke.

''What the hell is Itachi babbling about?'' Deidara asked as the still toasted Itachi was talking about fakes, and poker, also something about porn.

''Who knows...ohh! Oooh! I got you!'' Naruto said as he sniped Deidara.

''God damnit Tobi! Why the hell do I always agree to let you play on my team. You're always killing me or letting me get killed.''

''I sorry sempai...''

''Leave him alone Deidara...always talking shit...Yo Mama so ugly when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..."

''Oh it's on you blond bastard.''

''You're also blond though.''

''Shut the fuck up! Yo Mama so ugly they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.''

''Yo Mama so ugly people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...''

''Oh yeah...well...Yo Mama so stupid I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...''

''She's so stupid she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!''

''Damn that was fowl!''

''Shut up Hidan...ok I got something for you fucker...when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"

''Well Yo mama is so stupid she everybody in the house solar powered flashlights incase of a blackout...

''Yo Mom so stupid that Oxford had to change the definition of Dumb...it now read: Dumb(n) - yo' Mama.''

''Yo mama's so stupid, wait...she had you didn't she!''

''Muther fucker!''

There started the all out brawl. After about two hours of Taijutsu the two suddenly remembered they were shinobi. So they brought out Ninjutsu.  
''Hey wha...holy shi...'' Kakuzu clutched his chest as he had an heart attack and fell over dead. The sight of the Rasenshuriken scared the shit and the life out of him.

''Tobi is a scared boy!'' He yelled as he ran out of the room. Everyone else ran to the secret emergency escape pod. Deidara's explosion and Naruto's Rasenshuriken destroyed the entire base.

0  
3 days later  
0  
After the base had been rebuilt and Kakuzu revived it was breakfast like always. It was then they heard an ear curtling scream coming from the garden. They all rushed out to see a Dead Zetsu, chopped up on the pieces on the ground. Carved in his torso was '_The puppet master was here!" _

''Who could have done this?'' Tobi asked as everyone looked at him like 'for real? Did you really just asked that?' They knew one thing though. Whoever killed Zetsu was going to come after them. Out of everyone except maybe Konan no one had any reason to kill Zetsu. Ago maybe numerous families and friends of the people he eaten but for the most part no one important or significant.

''Is that a puppy?'' Naruto asked pointing to Zetsu's stomach.

''Ok this is bullshit...Kisame clean up duty,'' Pein said as the rest of them went inside to finish breakfast.

''Oh this is real nice...fuck all of you!'' He grumbled as he went to work picking up Zetsu's dismembered body.

A pair of glowing red eyes watched from the bushes. Then another pair appeared right next to it. They looked at each other then slowly backed away from each other.

00  
Chapter end  
000  
Trust me...no matter what you guys aren't going to guess who the person from the previous chapter is. It's not Kuiinshi...it's not the Kyuubi, or Naruto or even Itachi. There is no way in hell any of you are going to be able to guess.


	14. Sasori Quits Finale

The Misadventures of the Akatsuki

0

Story Start

0

''Kagebunshin no Jutus is more then one word god damnit!'' Hidan roared. It was another typical day in Akatsuki head quarters.''Konan! What does the rules say? Konan?''

'Huh?'' She asked turning the page in her book. She was sitting at the table with the two more immortals while the others were at the couch. Tobi, Deidara, Kisame, and Itachi were playing Halo on X-box while Zetsu and Naruto watched. _This feels? Oddly familiar_.

''Konan!'' She continued to ignore Hidan's shouts. She told him not to get into a high risks game with Kakuzu's greedy ass but did he listen…no. There it was again an odd sense of Deja Vu.

''Tobi! Tobi you're fucking up! No don't throw the grenade at me!'' Deidara screamed as Tobi blew up his character. ''God damnit Tobi you no aim having son of a bitch!''

''I sorry Deidara-Sempai…Tobi was trying to be a good boy and take out Itachi-sempai like you instructed but I missed.''

''Deidara it is obvious...''

''Yeah your fucking out-classing abilities! Up yours Itachi!''

Itachi raised an eyebrow.''How did you know I was going to say that?''

''I...'' He raised an eyebrow. ''Don't...know.''

''Hey guys...this is...so familiar!'' Konan said closing her book. ''Something doesn't fill right.''

She said as Itachi hit Kisame with a Tsukiyomi.

Ignoring the Yo mama jokes she pulled Naruto to the side.

''Goddamnit! I ordered a meeting two days ago. Where were you all?'' Asked a not so happy Pein from a doorway.

''Technically you never ordered a meeting. You just told them to come back to base,'' Konan answered.

''Now that everyone Is here Tobi has a surprise...'' Before Tobi could run off Konan pinned him to the wall with paper shurikens. ''Tobi..did you make brownies?''

Tobi stopped squirming. ''AAaw...Konan-sempai ruined the surprise.''

''Konan-chan are you ok? Maybe you should lay down?'' Naruto suggested as Konan shook her head.

''No...you weren't hear, but I remember this. Right around this time you and the others ambushed us with that damned assault team.''

''Wait...that's right...but who the hell...''

''Sasori...'' Itachi concluded. Itachi dispelled the Genjutsu to find Kisame dead, a kunai wound in his back.

''Sasori that bastard...he killed Kisame!''

''Right...it was Sasori,'' Itachi said edging the bloody kunai with his foot under the couch. Suddenly an explosion came from Itachi's room. Paper of Icha Icha Paradise were scattered over the floor burnt and destroyed. ''NO MY PORN!'' Another explosion sent a food like substance splattering on the walls. 'NOOOOOOOO MY POCKY! NOT THE POCKY! SASORI MUST DIE!'' He ran off.

Konan sighed. ''Well we lost Itachi and Zetsu, and as much as I hate to admit it...Kisame is a decent fighter when he's serious so we're at a severe disadvantage as he taking out those with detection and transportation abilities.''

''Sasori is trying to destroy us all for what reason I do not know. As the leader of Akatsuki I can not be replaced. The rest of you...''

''You might want to rephrase that bit if you don't want to loose the second favorite part of your body _Pein,'' _Konan said in a threatening tone. Pein looked at his right arm.

''But I like my right arm,'' He said as the guys all snickered.

Konan shot them a look causing them all to silence instantly. ''I was talking about your brain you peverted dope.''

''But that's the fourth right after my...''

Bam

Pein was knocked out cold my Konan's punch.

''Looks like someone's testy...hey kid looks like your woman needs some di...''

Bam

Hidan too was knocked out cold. ''Anyone else got any smart ass comments?''

Naruto, Tobi, Deidara, and Kakuzu looked at each other then shook their heads furiously. An angry Konan was a scary Konan.

''Good. Dediara check the cellar, Kakuzu the Armory, Tobi you go check all of your room and Naruto you'll check outside while I do a search of the attic!'' The guys all nodded and scattered about.

Unknown to them one of the paintings on the wall were watching everything. The glowing red eyes was plotting revenge and how the Akatsuki members would be dispatched.

Some time later with Itachi Awol and Kisame along with Zetsu dead that only left the others to search for the puppet master. Who they all assumed or was pretty sure Sasori.

''You know...what ever happened to the good old days un? Back then when we all used to be friends?'' Deidara suddenly asked as everyone looked at him crazy. ''You fuckers know what I meant. Like that time we went to see Katt Williams for Hidan's birthday. Yall remember...''

''Tobi remembers...poor little tink tink.''

0

Flash Back

0

**''...**There was a white boy who ran track for a mother fuckin livin. He ran track for a mother fuckin livin. And he lost both his mother fuckin legs. Now I hate losers and quitters but if you run track for a mother fuckin livin and you loose both your mother fuckin legs you ought to be allowed to sit this mother fucker out. You have done everything there was for you to do."

Most of the Akatsuki had burst out laughing with the exception of Konoha who was trying to act dignified and Zetsu who...well no one knew what the hell was wrong with him.

"And this mother fucker own some gangster shit, cause not only was he gonna walk again, this mother fucker was gonna race again. Cause you gotta be in tune with your star fuckin player to pull this shit off. They made him some aluminum racin legs and shit. That looked like bent back paper clips and shit."

The audience exploded with laughter and screams.

"Don't be tryin to act like somethings wrong with me. Some of you mother fuckers saw the story. You know what the fuck I'm talkin bout. It looked like bent back paper clips. Like two baby boomerangs and shit. that's what he had to run on.'

Naruto spat out his drink as he roar with laughter.

"This mother fucker had to be in tune with his fuckin star player. Cause sometimes mother fuckers wont' have your back like you think you should. And now this mother fucker has to come in on his aluminum racin legs and race again. And he had to come in all calm and smooth and not draw too much attention to himself."

Katt jogged slowly from one end of the stage to the other and with every step he took and with every step he said. ''Tink tink tink tink tink tink tink tink tink tink tink.''

If their wasn't people laughing they were trying desperately not to.

"Yeah this mother fucker fuckin winning this shit. Mutha fuckers fucking with him and shit. '_Yeah, you gotta go over thier and sign up first and shit before you race.'_

_''Oh, ok mother fucker."_

He jogged to the other side of the stage, ''Tink tink tink tink tink tink tink tink.''

_"Yeah, they say I gotta sign up first. It's no sign up at all?' _Tink tink tink tink tink tink tink tink tink.'

''Mother fuckers at the starting line, these mother fuckers doin all kinds of unnecessary exercises with thier legs and shit. On your mark!"

He started to jump around and doing crazy stunts with his legs.

"And the craziest fuckin thing happened. Not only did this mother fucker start runnin, this mother fucker started winning. And you know a hater can't stand a god damn winner. And the last place you wanna be in a mother fuckin foot race, is behind the mother fucker with no god damn foots."

Laughter from the audience.

"I bet them mother fuckers were mad as shit."

He started to jog in place.

_"My legs tired ain't your legs tired. His legs ain't tired, he just_...tink tink tink... tink tink tink tink. TInk tink tink tink. Just paper clips and sparks everywhere. Tink tink tink. But you gonna have to be in tune with your star fuckin player cause these haters do not play fair. These hating ass mother fuckers at the limping committee let this mother fucker race, and then waited till he won and then disqualified him and said and I quote, 'he had an unfair advantage.'"

Laughter. He then held his hand up to signal to the audience their was more he had to say.

"Are you talking about the mother fucker running with no god damn legs? Is that who the fuck you talkin bout? Poor lil tink tink. Think about that when you think you havin a bad god damn day. Poor lil tink tink, aint that a bitch."

00

Flashback end

0

Everybody was laughing their asses of at that. After searching and finding no clue and indication and the death Akatsuki's immortals, via heart attack and being buried alive the others decided to just say fuck it and give up. Two weeks later the others were revived and just like any other Friday night they were doing nothing. Then all of a sudden Sasori strolled in.

''Well if it isn't the traitor.''

''Go fuck yourself Kisame!'' Sasori turns to Pein. ''Leader-Sama I want back in.''

''And I should allow that why? You betrayed this organization! I should have had you haunted down and burned to death. You had far too many secrets that could have resulted in the death of this organization.''

''You mean the same organization whose members die like once a week?''

''That might not last forever. Now if only I can somehow harness the power of Tobi's invincibility then that would be another story.''

''Why are you back anyway Sasori? I thought you hated this organization?'' Itachi questioned suspiciously.

''Long story short...the health benefits. Especially the insurance...I need surgery on my heart and since someone took my off the organization plans I couldn't afford it. I have two months left to live if I don't have the surgery.''

''Ok...'' Pein said.

''Really! I...um mean...Really?''

''Well when you were the 'Puppet Master' you didn't kill anyone that matter. Well ok maybe Zetsu, and possibly Kakuzu, but the others could be replaced.''

''Oi fuck you leader! If it wasn't for the dentist benefits I get from being in this organization I'd be feeding you to Jashin right now.''

''Hidan you are not only the slowest member of this organization my grand mother could beat you race so your threats are baseless...''

''Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up...we get benefits?'' Deidara suddenly asked.

''Wow...you figured he would have figured that out when we first got paid.'' Kakuzu stated.

''Oh what the hell we get paid now?''

''To show my sincerity I've got you all these.'' He unsealed about a dozen brand new golden plate Icha Icha:Deserted Island Bonaza and set them on the table. Before anyone could blink Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, and Pein had disappeared into thin air along with four of the books. As the evening went by book after book had disappeared while everyone act like they were unaware. Finally their was one book left and Zetsu curiously picked it up.

'**'Let's eat it! I'm hungry!''**

''Why do everyone else like this? I'm curious!'' Zetsu opened the book only to be knocked out.

Sasori along with an eight foot figure walked from behind the doorway. **''Took him long enough. Now at last the Puppet Master's plan will move into the next phase.'' **

''Seriously grandma...have you been taking your medication. You keep referring to yourself as Puppet Master while no one is around and its started to freak me out.''

''Respect your elders boy! Sons of bitches will rue the day they've ruined my shipment of sake and porn. (Chapter 1) The other nations have such exotic stuff.''

''Whatever grandma...will you get off those damn stilts before you break your hip again.''

''They make me look tall. I shall be tall forever!'' Chiyo cackled madly.

''Ok grandma that's it! Time to take your medication.''

''Back up!'' She whacked him in the head with one of the stilts and pulled out a phone. ''Hello Kuiinshi...yes it's Chiyo...its time.''


	15. Bonus Chapter 2:Is Naruto Sane?

The Misadventures of the Akatsuki

0

Some more NarutoxKonan

0

Story Start

0

''It was a god damn Break-dancing baby!'' Naruto cried out in annoyance as he continued talking to Kuiinshi on the phone.

Konan was walking around in the background dressed as Yoka litner from Gurren Lagann. She glanced at Naruto and shook her head as she went into the kitchen.

_''I thought I told your ass not to smoke the good shit without smoking with me.''_

''I'm telling you it was...'' Naruto paused. ''Where the hell is that music coming from? Oh no...not again.''

Around the corner walked a small, slightly tanned, slightly chubby baby that looks to be of asian descent. He had Brown hair with blue eyes, the hair usually being tied in a top knot. And he was dressed in a miniature Akatsuki robe.

''Where the hell do you keep coming from?'' Naruto demanded. ''How the hell do you keep finding me!'' He demanded as the baby started break dancing once more. This time he was dancing to the sun 'I'm a Hustler!'

''KONAN!'' Naruto shouted for his girlfriend who stepped out dressed as Ura Moka, complete with a silver wig.

''What is it now?'' she asked as Naruto pointed to the ground.

''Okay? The floor...so what?''

Naruto's eyes widened as he turned and the break dancing baby was nowhere to be seen. ''Oh COME ON! Why am I the only one seeing him?''

''My poor, insane boyfriend,'' Konan cooed rubbing the back of Naruto's head. ''Would some poon make you feel better?''

''Maybe...'' he mumbled with a sigh. ''I'll see you in the bedroom in fifteen minutes. Could you...''

''Could I what honey?''

''Could you dress up as that girl from the Kingdom Hearts game? You know the one whose a Keyblade Master?''

''You mean Aqua!''

''That's the one...''

''Sure...I'll see you there,'' she said leaving the room, but not before going to the kitchen and getting a puddin pop.

''You know what...I'm going to quick Deltbeta's ass for this!'' Naruto grumbled into the phone.

_''What really...why?''_ Kuiinshi asked from his end of the phone, going into the fridge and pulling out a slice of cheesecake.

''Because ever since he told me about that damn story I've been seeing the baby everywhere.''

_''For the last time there is no break dancing baby. It's all in your head.''_

''Okay man come on. After all the sick and crazy shit we've seen over the years you really want to dismiss that there is no break dancing baby? What about that time we were transported to the Superdickery universe and Superman tried to kill us?''

_''I thought I told you never to mention that incident!''_

''Is this because you were kidnapped and raped by Supergirl?''

_''You can't rape the willing. Though I kind of wish I had to contend with a horny power girl too.''_

''Hhm I suppose. Aah yes, Power Girl, the only woman whose bust rivals Tsunade's super jugs.''

''Naruto-kuuuuuuun...I'm waiting!'' Konan's sultry voice called from the bedroom.

''Hey man I gotta go...' click.

_''Hello? Son of a bitch hung up on me. Oh well...time to go try to find that parallel universe with all the big titty and scantily clad comic book super heriones.''_


	16. Tobi the Alter Boy

The Misadventures of the Akatsuki

0

Some more NarutoxKonan

0

Chapter Title: Why Tobi no longer goes to church

0

Story Start

0

Deidara wasn't sure how he was convinced into becoming a priest. All he knew that it let him spend time away from the rest of the annoyances which were the other Akatsuki members.  
And low and behold who else but Tobi would show up as a damn alter boy? If that wasn't a kick in the balls then said boy was in the confessional confessing his sins to him.

''Okay child tell me your sins!'' Deidara said, covering his mouth with his hand to make his voice sound different.

''Tobi has been a bad boy Priest man! Tobi must confess his sins.''

0  
Flash Back  
0

Ten-Ten was randomly driving her new Corvette down the road when it was randomly hit by a tank shell. Miraculously the car wasn't destroyed, only a single one of the car tires was punctured and the air was being let out.

''Ha-ha random Civilian check out the power of the Tobi tank!'' Tobi exclaimed as he poked his head out of the top. ''Looks like you're out of hot air Kunoichi-san!''

''Oh yeah! Well you're full of shit!''

If it wasn't for the mask one would be able to see Tobi's eyes had gone wide and his mouth had dropped.

0  
Flash Back  
0

Deidara hung his head as he tried his damnest not to laugh. The thought of someone else verbally abusing Tobi tickled him deep inside of his soul. ''Is that all my child or do you have anymore.''

''Well one time I took the sandwich the priest was eating...''

''I'm sure he would forgive you if he knew.'' Deidara interrupted Tobi.

''But Tobi isn't finish. Tobi took a sandwich the priest was eating, using to get the grime off Kisame sempai's back as was instructed and placed it back in the fridge where Tobi found it and watched the priest eat it.''

Deidara was visibly horrified, his face had gone green and his eye began twitching. ''Well Tobi I'm sure the priest...''

''Wait Tobi got more. One time Tobi had to go real bad and couldn't hold it so he went in the holy water thing. I wrote a note to priest-san about it, but forgot and I think he splashed himself in the face with it for two weeks.''

Deidara began snarling and trembling.

''Then one time Tobi took a dump in front of Leader-san's room and blamed it on Deidara-sempai's new puppy and because of that Deidara-Sempai was forced to take it to a shelter. Tobi also ate the last piece of Itachi's pie and hid the plate in Deidara-sempai's room which resulted in the Sempai being Tsukiyoma'ed. Then one time...'' Tobi was cut off as two hands tore through the wood of the confessional and wrapped their hands around Tobi's neck as he was getting the life choked out of him.

''Father! Father your assistance is required!'' one of the sisters of the church acquired interrupting Deidara from his attempt to strangle Tobi which after five minutes proved unsuccessful. Gathering his cool Deidara exited the confessional. A few seconds later Tobi fell out with a groan and a whisper of 'Tobi needs a Hospital.'


	17. Konoha Craze Arc Prologue

The Misadventures of the Akatsuki

0

Some more NarutoxKonan

0

Story Start

0

One afternoon, Pein was in his office checking the several bills. As he examined the bills, he came across a particular message and screamed in horror. And he decided to call a meeting.

Pein cleared his throat. "Ahem. As we all know, The Misadventures of Akatsuki has gotten off schedule..." Suddenly, Kakuzu gasped and clutched his chest in agony. He fell of his chair and lost consciousness. ''Henceforth I had no choice but to cancel our health benefits.'' he said as an outburst occurred.

"Here we go…"

"Are you Fucking kidding me?"

"Not the benefits!''

''That's bullshit! Sale that useless ass tank!''

''Not the Tobi tank! Tobi won't let you sale it!''

Pein continued again. "Listen people! At this rate we'll have to file for bankruptcy. If we don't increase our numbers with these new episodes we'll be cancelled. Any suggestions?''

''We can always sell our drunken texts to that one show. Why you don't drink and text.'' Naruto said as he showed off some texts.

''I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled 'dibs!'' he read off and snickered. ''Classic Ino.''

'Let me see...'' Kisame said, yanking the laptop from Naruto's hands.

''Hey fucker!''

_''so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.''_ Kisame began cackling. ''I want to party with these people.'' he said as he read some more. ''i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. ''

''I just love shit like that.'' Naruto admitted with a sigh.''I got a better idea though. Let's start another show in conjunction with this. We'll call it, 'Let's fuck with people.' and it will be epic.''

''Naruto-kun is right.'' Itachi agreed. ''And I know just the person.

Meanwhile in Konoha Uchiha Sasuke was minding his own business and walking his dog. The sound of cawing drew his attention and he cried out upon seeing hundreds of crows in the sky. ''Foolish little brother. You have failed to be constantly vigilant.'' Itachi said as he ran by and scooped up his brother's dog.

''ITACHI! YOU BASTARD! BRING BACK MY DOG BEFORE I KILL YOU!'' Sasuke roared as he started firing Chidori bursts at his brother.

''What the hell goes on in that boy's head?'' Konan wondered, face palming very hardly.

''Well as long as we get everything on footage,'' Naruto added, placing his hand on Konan's shoulder as he turned back to Hidan who was the designated camera man. ''And now it is time my new compatriots. To save our story we must add new dimensions and twists. And that means pranking the whole of Konoha and finally getting me laid then by damnit we'll do it!'' Naruto finished his speech by dashing off, ready to cause mayhem and havoc.

''If he wasn't cute...'' Konan grumbled, chasing off after her boyfriend to make sure he remembered that they were there to make money and not cause chaos and havoc.

0

Chapter End

0

This is the prologue for the drive Konoha insane arc. You're welcome.


End file.
